No, this isn’t another cynical, shameless post to try to lure new bloggers to my blog, I really need some help. I just found out that my daughter has finished formatting my newest novel… the murder mystery set in World War Two London… and it is ready to be sent in to the publisher.
You may recall that I am going to attempt to do my very first cover design, including not only the artwork, but the whole layout, all by myself for the very first time… not bad for a computer moron. So far, her boyfriend has been doing this part for me, just like she does all the technical stuff to get the books ready for print.
Here is the part I need you to read… the little blurb that goes on the back cover…
**********
Detective Inspector Charlie Baker has to figure out who murdered a young flight lieutenant- and why. It might have something to do with the fact that the victim’s father is Major General Sir Edward Crowley, an important member of the Imperial General Staff. Charlie turns to the network of London cabbies- amongst them his uncle- to get the information he so badly needs.
Under pressure to solve the case as the war continues to rage, Charlie has to unravel the mystery, even as the General and his family remain under threat. And the fact that he’s fairly certain that he’s falling in love with the General’s daughter isn’t making his job any easier!
**********
Any glaring errors? Like, does that comma really need to be in the second-to-last sentence… between ‘mystery’ and ‘even’? It will take me a few hours to finish the cover work. I have to precisely center everything, and it is tricky. So let me know if this looks good, and I will post the whole cover layout when I am done.
Thanks.
Pouring My Art Out 
Nice looking cover, Art!
My comments:
You’re using hyphens instead of dashes – looks amateurish.
network of London cabbies- amongst them his uncle- to get the
Should be en-dashes (short) with spaces before and after:
network of London cabbies – amongst them his uncle – to get the
or em-dashes (long) with no spaces:
network of London cabbies—amongst them his uncle—to get the
See http://www.dashhyphen.com.
I would drop the comma after mystery, no biggie.
Your last sentence is kind of awkward and no exclamation point is needed.
Nice job!
Thank you, mysterious stranger.
Amongst is clever, I can hear your accent. I didn’t find any errors.
yay… since I come from English stock, just went to England, and had a Canadian editor, I figured we knew what we were talking about.
hahahahahahahahahahahah!
yup
Hope this helps …
Detective Inspector Charlie Baker has to solve a murdered. Why would someone want to murder a young flight lieutenant and does it have anything to do with the fact that the victim’s father is Major General Sir Edward Crowley, an important member of the Imperial General Staff. Charlie turns to the network of London cabbies, amongst them his uncle, to get the information he so badly needs.
Under pressure to solve the case as the war continues to rage, Charlie has to unravel the mystery, even as the General and his family remain under threat. And the fact that he’s fairly certain that he’s falling in love with the General’s daughter isn’t making his job any easier!
That does help… but I already sent it to my daughter and ordered the first copy… sorry
Reblogged this on perfectlyfadeddelusions and commented:
All seems fine to me, can not wait to see the front cover.
well, get ready!
You could always run it through Gunning fox index.
say what now???
Gunning Fox is one of many tools you can use to check your writing. Google it. Let me know what you think.
okey dokey
Maybe check the spaces by the “-“s, I’m not sure whether they just looks uneven, or actually are…
I am on it, thanks so much!
Reads ok to me, and yes,I think that comma should be there.
okay, thanks!