But I am going to take care of that problem. She asked me to write a short piece for it. She wanted a man’s perspective on weddings. The idea is for a guy who has been married for almost 25 years to look back on that special day and figure out what parts stand out in my mind. And she said I could be funny.
I think… I hope… that this little article of mine will be helpful for future brides. I realize that the wedding day is all about the bride, but I tried to come up with a few harmless ways to make the groom feel like he is more important than the little groom on the wedding cake. Bear in mind that my daughter hasn’t read this yet. She might love it and not change a thing. Or she might make me start all over again. I never can tell with that kid.
But either way, you get a chance to read it in its original form. And once again, please check out her new website. The link is in the post called; A post by Arthur (NOT Jessica). Her website is full of style and fashion and it is tasteful and classy… all things you don’t have to worry about on my blog…
And now, I give you, my contribution…
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A man’s point of view on the big day.
Look, let’s be honest. The groom is the least important part of the entire wedding ceremony. He may be a big part of the marriage, but on the actual day, as long as he shows up on time, isn’t hung-over, fits in his fancy clothes, says the words correctly and doesn’t pass out, he has done his part.
Admit it, ladies. You have dreamed of your wedding day long before you met Mr. Right. You started thinking about flowers and cakes and dresses when you were still a kid. When you pictured the groom, he was just a tuxedo with a head sticking out of the top. The head most likely bore more than a passing resemblance to Brad Pitt or George Clooney or someone, but let’s not get into all that. But the truth is, we never dreamed of our wedding day. Not even after we met you. Sorry, that is just a fact.
I am just here to talk briefly about what is important to the groom…. I will continue as soon as you finish laughing… is that it? Okay. What I am trying to say is that there some simple little things that the groom will look back on fondly even 25 years after the special day, which is almost how long I have been married. So it wouldn’t kill you to let him have a tiny bit of input on these things so that when you pull out your wedding pictures or pop the DVD into the 3-D hologram viewer, he will have a smile on his face.
Now I know you want your groom to look nice, but let him pick some small part of his wedding outfit to show that he is a unique individual and an equal and valued partner in all decisions. You will have plenty of time to break him of these bad habits after you are married… oh come on… that was a joke… don’t look at me like that…
On my wedding day I was wearing a very classy gray tuxedo with long tails that looked sort of English. My personal touch, aside from still having my hair a little too long, was an antique top hat that could fold down flat and then pop open when you whacked it against your hand or leg. Let your man express himself. If he gets too carried away that might be a good thing to find out about him before it’s too late. And make sure that the photographer takes some pictures of him after the ceremony when he is more relaxed. Maybe some candid shots of him with any of his friends that showed up. We like looking at pictures of ourselves, and years from now he can make fun of his friends that have put on weight or lost most of their hair.
When planning the ceremony and the decorations and accessories, don’t ask his opinion unless you actually plan to take his advice at least once. Trust me on this. Your man is already terrified about what he is getting himself into. If you start showing him how little his opinion matters now, you will just add to any second thoughts that he might be having.
The other side of this coin is that we really don’t care all that much what the flowers look like or that you picked out the perfect wedding dress and table arrangements. We are too busy hoping we don’t mess up the words and trying not to pass out and end up on America’s Funniest Videos. So pretend that you are listening to him. Pat him on the head now and then and tell him he is doing a good job. Or at least say that you like his ideas, and then change them when he isn’t around. He probably wont even notice.
If, during that special day, you see him looking a little freaked out, just go and hug him. Hold him tight and whisper in his ear that later, when you are finally alone together for the first time as husband and wife, you are going to put the ‘honey’ in ‘honeymoon’. You might be surprised how this will take his mind off whatever it is that he is worrying about.
Pouring My Art Out 
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I have a friend getting married in a little over 2 weeks, I have passed your advice on to her.
Have you learned nothing about not listening to me???
And tell her to check out Jessica’s website…
I just want everyone to know that I failed as a writer and a father. I did a post that works on this blog… not on a classy, new website that is trying to drum up customers for a new business. And she gave me a specific thing to write about and I got carried away and did a clever blog post, not what she asked me to do. And then I got defensive and dug in my heals because I thought it was more important to be funny than to do what she wanted me to do. And then I made fun of her for trying to get me to rewrite what she wanted me to write in the fist place.
I made brides sound shallow and bossy, grooms sound dumb and insensitive, marriage sound like a joke, and my own daughter sound like she couldn’t take a joke.
I am ashamed of myself.
Oh god, your comments are funnier than the piece! “She wants it to be from a man’s point of view but to be what women want to hear. I thinks that sort of makes my point, don’t you?”
Yes!
I actually feel bad about that one. I didn’t mean to sound so disrespectful to women, especially my daughter. And I didn’t make men sound that good either…
Oh, I didn’t think you were being anything but facetious and sarcastic– which I don’t find offensive, generally. Don’t be tooo hard on yourself…
It was a perfect tone for my blog… sigh…
I liked it, it made me get all teary eyed. Well done.
awwww….
ROFLMAO!!! that was Great!
Thank you… now get up… you are wrinkling your clothes.
ROFLMAO!! your too much! I laugh so loud that I wake the cat up and if someone is home they look at me like I’m nut’s!! it’s all good!
You are making me very happy.
What about gay weddings then? Nothing will get done if two men are going to do this. Actually, they’d be fighting over who gets to plan what, luckily myself nor my partner are either like that. We’d probably both forget to turn up
That is what I told Jessica when she said I was making the brides sound shallow and the grooms sound like they don’t care. I tried to explain that if a girl is marrying a guy who can do table settings, flower arrangements, match colors and fabrics, pick dresses for the bride’s maids and the bride, order the proper food, dress nicely all on his own, and really cares about all that stuff, she might want to know she is marrying a gay guy… not that there is anything wrong with that. I myself can do a mean flower arrangement. And table setting. I could probably pick a nice dress. But I am all art-side-of-the-brain and very in touch with my feminine side. It doesn’t mean I care about that stuff. I can just do it.
And did you do it for yours?
I think so.
Right Darling kisskisskiss
bye hour or two
Ahahaha! That’s soo good! One thing-It’s America’s Funniest Home Video’s if you care! Really good though!
I care about nothing! But thanks. She already told me to get rid of all the funniest parts… so…
Really? I loved it, i thought it would really draw people in
She wants class… and to not insult her readers… sheesh…
so are you accepting that? lol
I changed it and she still doesn’t like it.
oh no! lol
She just wants sweet memories. I do humor.
how about humours sweet memories
She should have said that.
lol are we bitter?
No… it’s all good.
good!
good
So your daughter asked for your opinion and wasn’t satisfied with something honest that didn’t jive with her dream scenario of what men think? How did you not see that coming?
Oh wait, you’re her dad, not her husband. I guess she’s just practicing up for the next big guy in her life. Does he know about this?
(Excellent post, though.)
Thanks. She wants it to be from a man’s point of view but to be what women want to hear. I thinks that sort of makes my point, don’t you?
You are advocating that she can do this by virtue of the fact that you essentially wrote this in the above memorandum…she’ll let you keep some of it, but not all of it…I would of course have it all on my wedding blog.
She wants a man’s opinion… except where it differs from a woman’s. That sums up marriage nicely, I think.
Just so long as one can accept that, a major hurdle in a marriage is avoided!
Right… of wrong…
So what’s the edited version looking like?
The same… with the soul sucked out.
You sound genuinely quite depressed about this…
I guess I got to post it here, so it’s all groovy.
I guess we all want our kids to know what they want…
I guess.