Dear crazy person,
I understand that you are troubled. You have issues. You are angry and frustrated and feel the need to lash out. To show the world that they can’t push you around anymore. And you want the world to notice you and remember that you were here.
We all feel that way sometimes. We just don’t pick up a gun… or guns… and start shooting random strangers.
But I have an idea that is almost as crazy as you are.
Just put a little more thought into who you are going to shoot.
Why would you want to be remembered as the person who killed innocent children? What can you possibly gain from that? With a little effort, you can be remembered as the most creative and thoughtful of all the gun-wielding maniacs.
Here are just a few suggestions that will at least make people realize that you were trying to make a point, and aren’t just another run-of-the-mill nutbag;
Get a passport, go to a foreign country, and go on a shooting spree in a terrorist training camp.
If you don’t like to travel overseas, you can substitute a Ku Klux Klan rally.
Try shooting gang-bangers or crack dealers. The cops won’t even bother looking for you the first few times.
And last but not least, go to a convention of the National Rifle Association and have a blast… pun intended… because the irony would really make people take notice of you.
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*** I am not advocating violence. This letter is aimed solely at those people who are already determined to go out and shoot people. Also, this is a joke. I have been ignoring the horrible school shooting because my mind couldn’t cope with it. And now my anger is eating away at my guts, and I had to let it out. I am in no way saying that is okay to kill terrorists, racists, sociopathic gang members, people who sell crack, or those people who think we should all be able to get as many guns as we want, and just came out with the idea of putting armed guards in every school, so people who want to die in a shooting spree will be drawn to the schools even more… but hey, as long as all those guns are out there in the hands of desperate, lonely, broken people, we need to offer some alternatives.
And besides. All of the people on my list should be armed themselves, right? So according to NRA logic, they should be fine when the crazy guy shows up.***
*** Legal disclaimer*** Please do not go out and shoot anybody!!! This was just a joke. You always have the option of NOT shooting anyone. Please take that option. You can get help if you just ask. Or take out your anger and frustration by starting a blog. Or get yourself a dog… that might help. I am not telling you to kill people. Don’t blame it on me.
Pouring My Art Out 
But I don’t even own a gun…
Neither do I.
How about suggesting that those people make themselves famous by shooting others with a water gun, so that no one gets hurt?
I was too angry for that.
Makes sense. But if you want these people using real guns, then I would go with Edward Hotspur’s suggestion that these people shoot themselves first. If they are crazy enough to shoot someone ramdomny, I would not trust them to pick a legitimate target.
They never listen to me anyway.
Thank gods you remembered the disclaimer this time…
The trouble with banning guns is that banning anything has never worked out that well for us historically…take abortions, sex, drugs, alcohol as just a few examples. It just doesn’t work. We spend a lot of time and money trying to enforce a ban and it still doesn’t work. So. We need to start thinking outside the box to come up with a workable solution to this problem…not that it is a new one by any means. Did you see the 1927 school massacre article Yahoo had a few days ago? Things just get more news coverage now and for a longer period of time. People killing people was bad then and it is bad now. There has to be something that hasn’t been thought of yet…lets everybody put on your thinking caps and surely we can figure this out.
That is why I never suggested a ban.
Well, if you get all the crazy people to get a dog, and even ONE dog gets shot, I’m going to hold you PERSONALLY RESPONSIBLE.
See, I never even thought of that part. I am a jerk.
Go hug your dog RIGHT NOW, and all will be forgiven.
I always do that.
Me too.
Well of course you do.
I have an anti-gun post written, I was going to scrap it until I saw that NRA bloke yesterday spew diarreah from his mouth so I may yet publish it.
Up the revolution!!!
So the suggestions for alternatives would include…..start a blog….get a dog….what about play in fog, sit on a log, inhale smog, kiss a frog?
I am just a cog…who drank too much grogg, not a hog who likes to jog, or drink egg nog, but it is a long slog.
I enjoy how you got progressively more paranoid that you would be held responsible for violence. If someone was to kill someone based off of this blog though think of the hits you would get!
There’s never a reason to kill anyone else. If we all agreed to not kill each other then there’d be no grey area like the death penalty. Let’s just be passive toward people who hate, okay? People stink. Well said Art.
I feel better now… I think.
You put forward excellent points in a very comical way and offer a very creative way to help deal with/reduce the problem. Good comedy is fun but great comedy is courageous like this. Bravo sir, bravo.
Thanks…
You’re welcome – you rock dude!
Oh stop… you are making me blush.
Probably don’t advocate that people shoot anyone else. I advocated that they shoot themselves, if and only if they weren’t willing to do something a little less radical.
Not that I disagree with what you said. I’m just thinking legal liability here.
See, that is why I need you around. Thanks.
Well said satire. Terrorist training camp shooting spree indeed.
But did I go too far with this one? I have no filters… I can’t see the boundries. Help me.
Nope, the point was well-taken and I thought it was well done, plus it had a tinge of that anger that I always like to read. Now if you had said “go to a foreign country and have a shoot-out at a school for kids of terrorists”, that would’ve been over the line in my opinion. You’re all right.
Sure… other than pissing off all the armed nutjobs in the world, what could go wrong?
In cyber-space, no one can hear you lock and load.
Stop it…