I do love my spam folder. I am a computer moron, so I have no idea how spam actually works. I hear the term ‘spam bot’, and I think about little robots that look like cans of spam with metal legs, running around inside my computer and climbing all over the interwebs like tiny, processed-meat-filled spiders… delivering tasty words, that, like their namesake… (Spam)… are a mishmash of ground up fat, gristle, bones and maybe some  meat… if you are lucky.

Now, I don’t usually do more than one of these posts a week…  but I just went to clear out my spam folder, and I found these four spams that were just too tasty to pass up. And the thing is… (and this is sort of a weird and suspicious ‘thing’)… but all of these were attached to the same post… a post I did long ago… a post called: ‘Unicorns vomit rainbows… in your dreams’…

Now, don’t get me wrong, that was a good post. (I highly recommend you do a post about unicorns and vomit and rainbows, and tag it with the word: ‘unicorns’ ‘vomit’ ‘rainbows’ and maybe ‘poop’… because I guarantee that you will get hits on it forever. If you look at my sidebar, you will see that post is still lodged firmly in my ‘Top posts and pages’ list.)

But now I am wondering… (hence the ‘suspiciousness’ of these spam comments all being on such an old post)… if maybe these spam comments, even if they end up in the spam folder, still count as ‘hits’ or ‘views’, and that is skewing our stats.

However it works, I hope this at least makes you curious enough to search… or click the link in the ‘top posts and pages list’ in the sidebar, and read the post about unicorns.

Anyway, here are the four spams, cut and pasted for you enjoyment:

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Spam: What’s up, all is going fine here and ofcourse every one is sharing information, that’s really good, keep up writing.

My answer: Thank you, Pakistani Bridal Suits, at a website that I can only assume is pimping out underage brides, for your kind comment. I appreciate the interest in my writing, and can always use encouragement. I particularly appreciate you encouraging my readers to share information. They don’t listen to me at all. Maybe you can get through to them. If you can’t trust an anonymous spam bot from an under-aged-bridal-brokerage, who can you trust?

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Spam: Ahaa, its good discussion regarding this post at this place at this web site, I
have read all that, so now me also commenting at this
place.

My reply: Thanks so much, Quest bars, at… ummm… I’m not really sure who you represent… a company that makes energy bars? A drinking establishment of some sort? But be that as it may, I am gladdened that you approve of our discussion about unicorns and whether they actually do vomit… or poop… rainbows. I worked hard on that post. I would point out that your comment isn’t really so much of a comment as it is just a proclamation that you made a comment, which you really didn’t, but I like that you read the whole thing. That’s more than most people do.

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Spam:  Hi to every one, the contents existing at this web site are actually amazing for people experience, well, keep up the nice work fellows.

Me: Uh, thanks, ummm… okay, I can’t even tell who or what you represent… that is the most spam-botty email address in history… can I just call you Mr. Index Component Item List User? I like that you complimented my whole website. I mean, why not? Why limit it to just one post. I work hard on the contents of all my posts. I am not to thrilled that you give credit to multiple people… I am just one fellow, after all…

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Spam: Complexes can be completed after your typical exercise as a
fat-burning, muscle-shaping finisher.

Yours truly: Thanks for the wonderful advice, Female Hormone Weight Loss Pill, and, although I could do without you implying that I need to lose weight , or that it would even be safe for me, a man, to take female hormone weight loss pills… or, indeed, that even females should take them… and while I don’t see what this has to do with unicorns, I would like to have my muscles shaped… but I have Photoshop for that. I mean,  I don’t really want my chest muscles to be shaped into breasts. Also, if I didn’t have a complex before, I sure the hell do now… so… uh… thanks.