I have decided that this whole ‘trying to be funny all the time just to get 3 or 4 new blog followers a week’ thing is too slow. I am trying to take over the universe, for cryin’ out loud! So I am stealing an idea from some of the big organized religions… you know the ones, the ones that have the balls… uh… so to speak… to come out against birth control even though the planet is overpopulated and people are starving… or worse, the ones who come right out and tell their faithful to breed like rabbits…not that I am mentioning any names here…
They do it solely for the purpose of making new members. It is much easier to indoctrinate a young, moldable mind than it is to try to convince an adult to believe in a religion… unless, of course, that adult is lonely, confused, desperate, depressed and/or mentally challenged… (those are the adults that those door-to-door religion salesmen and cult-sharers are looking for when they go door-to-door, just so you know)…
So I have decided to tell you, my loyal minions, to go out and have unprotected sex now… and as often as you can… and when your offspring reach the correct age… which is almost any age, because this blog is family friendly… mostly… (except for this post and a few comments, most of them made by my own head minion, Trent Lewin, ironically)… have them start following me.
I expect to see my stats skyrocket in five or six years.
Don’t let me down.
Now, get to work!
Pouring My Art Out 
Isn’t there some kind of age limitations on who can have a WordPress account? I think for Facebook it’s 13. So you might have to wait longer than 5-6 years.
Also, right now I am in a church filled with crying babies. (And I am not joking). So procreation will have to wait.
That might be a good idea.
fascists!
How many wives can I have?
I don’t even care if you have one… HA!
Why don’t you ask the one you have now?
we can settle for that
She’s already given me that answer. I was hoping the future ruler of the universe might override her decision.
well, you can tell her I said to get on the ball… uh… so to speak… but I don’t actually rule the universe yet… and even when I do, I doubt my position will exert much power over women… sigh…
Don’t tempt me 🙂
HA!!!!!!
Wait… ummm the Earth is over-populated? Really? Hmmmm stillll breeding is fun so yeah sure, why not.
That’s the spirit!
I’ve driven across the US many many times… there’s lots and lots of room here.
go to India… or China…
It’s kinda the same there as it is here. Large masses of people congregate small areas. A better example would be Monaco. 🙂 I think India is at about 240 per square kilometer land area and China is at about 140 but type in places like Monaco and you’re up to like 19,000 or something, they’re packed in like sardines.
the main point is that there are people starving, I guess
That’s true, people are starving, everywhere, even in my city not more than a few miles from where I live children are going to bed hungry. I tend to believe, and have experienced that the starvation is caused by selfish mismanagement of resources rather than an actual shortage of resources. (Bureaucrats, warlords and a society that in general would rather not look at what makes them uncomfortable all work together to allow it.)
When I was a starving child, it wasn’t due to living in a crowded area or a third world country. It was because we had rotten parents and because the “do-gooders” only cared at certain times of year. Even then, they only brought us crap like toys and candy instead of useful things like food, clothing, medical care, and protection from crappy parents… sorry, turned your joke post serious. I think blaming population makes us think there is an easy solution instead of forcing us to do the hard work and solve the actual problem.
Getting this back on track… I have also contributed my share of offspring to your readership, by the way, anddddd, I am no longer starving either…andddd I adore your humor… and smiles hugs and such from the crazy lady who will one day rule the world via childbirth…
I think we could feed all the people there are, but do we really need billions of people?
Bwshahaha. That’s a whole area of deep thinking. . I mean do we really need any people?
well, I need at least one…
Which one are we keeping?
well, I need me more than I need you… no offense.
None taken… and I’m kinda fond of people so if they’re all going, I’d rather go with them.
that is very loyal of you… and I will miss you all… HA!
You are sooooo going to Hell. I can hardly wait to meet you there. It will be just me, though, I’m too old to procreate any more.
Someone else will just have to take up the slack…
I’m sure you have lots of readers who are more than willing, and able. Maybe you could take over Hell – wouldn’t THAT be special? I’d be willing to go there just to watch.
I will save you a seat by the fire.
Don’t forget the marshmallows.
nope
Can I bring some hot dogs? We could have a wienie roast from hell. 🙂
yes… but all us men, we have to cook our own wieners… literally… they don’t call it hell for nothing.
I like your idea. If I start working as a doula again this will boost my business. You would send your minions my way when it was time to give birth, right?
Unfortunately I cannot personally add to your minion base because there are certain measures in place that make it impossible for me to procreate (at least momentarily). Sorry.
Well, I appreciate the thought… HA!
It’s OK Quixie – you don’t have to procreate momentarily- you can take all the time you need. Bwahaha!
no sense rushing these things…
I don’t know, I’ll be turning 35 next month and will be considered “advanced maternal age” if I get pregnant. Are my two kids not enough? 🙂
well… are they following me yet?
Of course not! Are you kidding me? 😉
well then I don’t see how it helps bump my stats… ha
That’s true. I’m really very useless to you in your endeavor.
well, you are here, so one less person to convert.
That IS true…
yup