I did this post when I was still new at this blogging thing, and I was… as I still am… a computer moron… which means that the pictures in this post, which are painted on t-shirts and then scanned, are freeking huge… because I didn’t know how to make the pictures the best size for showing here… but that does mean you can click on them and look at them really close up… I think…

This post was called: So I opened this can of worms…

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Actually, I opened up another box of my old art projects from the garage, the one containing the remnants of my brief foray into t-shirt painting. I had forgotten all about the Art Co. years.

I opened this forgotten chapter of my past because a blogger I know and respect was thinking of putting up some artwork on his blog. He was looking for artwork featuring ‘geeky’ art. And to me, nothing says ‘geek’ like Star Trek. And that made me think of funny things you could do with Star Trek. And that made me remember the Ren and Stimpy t-shirt I had done, that one right down there that I posted yesterday, the one where they are wearing Star Fleet and Klingon uniforms.

And now that I already have the box open, I am going to scan all the stuff in it at one fell swoop.

And then I am going to try to get you to look at them.

I never finished this portrait of Stimpy, but wherever he would have ended up, he would have been wearing a tie-dye shirt.

To be honest, I do not remember how I ended up playing with those t-shirt paints. They were just popular way back when. Somebody in my wife’s family was using them and I borrowed a few bottles, you know, just to sort of play around. I started squeezin’ it out onto shirts to see what I could make it do.

They weren’t all winners. It was harder to do than it looked like it would be. Most of these test pictures I have just cut out and thrown the rest of the shirt away. I mean, you couldn’t give most of this stuff away.

My artistic visions seldom aim themselves at marketable mainstream media… (say that five times fast)…

But like any artistic endeavor, if you just keep plugging away at it, you begin to see hints of improvement.

Of course with me it is never going to be all flowers and sunshine.

I like this picture because I did it on a green t-shirt with stripes. I have no recollection of where I acquired this particular shirt. I sort of like the glitter-strand background. And the skull has real googly eyes with the little black beads that shake around.

And like every art project I ever pick up, this one took on a strange life of its own. If I could paint a skull on a shirt, why not on a silk coin purse? Well, we can all see where this is heading. Before I knew it I was painting on dishes, shoes, woven baskets, book bags, and I don’t want to remember whatever else. Fortunately most of that stuff has either been given away or will not fit in the scanner.

OK, now that one isn’t too bad. Nice little Grateful Dead motif… But get this, it is painted on the breast pocket of a blue dress shirt. Who did I think was going to buy that?

Really, a whole shirt… pink, no less… covered with creepy cat eyes??? A little gift for the paranoid cat-fancier in your life.

I needed another flower just to calm myself down. This one is actually done on a tasteful white miniskirt. Whatever.

Now this I like. It is unfinished, but it had potential. I may have to finish this one… seriously, stop laughing… The pants and sandals are awesome. The shirt and jewelery rock. He is going to be wearing shades and a cool top hat with tie-dye scarves tied around it, and I turned his other ear into long hair. I like where I was going with this.

And of course the bears… Dead Heads love the bears…

I did not expect that to come out so big… it is a tiny painting in the corner of a handkerchief. It looks better small.

So I made maybe $100.00 from Art Co. I sold a few shirts to a guy who played racquetball. I gave a lot of stuff away. I spent hours of my life on another artistic dead-end. But you know what? I learned more about art and I learned more about myself. I will leave you with some scans of my practice/advertising shirt. 

I had this half-formed idea that I would cover this shirt with so many awesome things that no one would be able to turn away from my glorious splendor…

Look, it must have been during the Clinton years… ha! (Wait, he was the not inhaling guy, right?)

Hey, it is our old friend Conan… and a sword with real…(fake)… jewels stuck on the pommel…

Oh, and it looks as if my plan included going to swap meets or craft fairs and actually wearing the shirt. Or maybe just to the grocery store. I had the audacity to put my phone number right on it. (That number is no good anymore, just so you know. Do not call Art Co. and ask for a t-shirt bearing your favorite Disney character doing bong hits).

Man am I glad I never finished that shirt.

I am now resisting the impulse to make a shirt covered with rubber baby bottle nipples… (say that five times fast)… It could be worn by all female celebrities appearing at the Oscars or the Super Bowl. Think of it as camouflage, if you will. But we will never have to worry about the dreaded ‘wardrobe malfunction’ again… (which I totally invented by the way, as you would know if you read my whole blog)…