I know this is a stupid question. And I promise they will get better. But I used to watch that show, Fear Factor, and I was always astounded by the things people would eat on TV for a large sum of money. The stunts were bad enough, but eating huge cockroaches or goat anuses or worms… and not just one of any of these things… lots of them… just to make some cash? And would they still have done it if it wasn’t being filmed?
You always sort of felt sorry for the ones who drank a big dead insect smoothie and then lost because somebody else drank more… but not that sorry…
So today’s crazy question is:
Would you drink a twelve-ounce glass of warm camel spit for one million dollars?
Pouring My Art Out 
yes
ha
Yes.
ha
So where and when do we do this?
If you’ve the camel and the cash, let’s do this
First you have to get over here…
Yeah, there’s planes for that
So they tell me.
I’ve done it.
(Stop laughing…)
Isn’t that the secret ingredient in a McDonald’s milkshake?
I think your inner view is next!
Dude… before I can do that inner view, you need to explain the answer about borrowing my daughter. There are people here who have been victims of abuse, and lots of people who have kids, One of my daughters is 14. I can’t think of any way to make that funny.
How about I just send you a new answer then? I was going to rag on you for your mind going to a non-G-rated place, but since you won’t go there, the answer doesn’t work.
On the other hand, your mind already went there. Shame on you!
I want to know how to take that in a way that wouldn’t make me angry. I am not trying to be a jerk. I know you meant it as a joke, but I am a dad. These are my daughters, and one is under age. I don’t know what you meant by me giving them to you for a night.
I quite literally did not mean anything. It was intentionally vague.
Okay… sorry… that was my did-mode kicking in… I will do the Kermit one… it would be easier than trying to explain it to everybody.
I totally agree with you.
Ha… I said did-mode instead of dad-mode…
I assumed it was a typo…
Maybe I have a did-mode too…
Oh, I see. Okay.
I’m trying to think if I knew about any daughter besides the one that’s engaged or recently married. That must be the issue. I looked back at my response and noticed that I wrote “daughter,” not “daughters.” I know I was commenting on your blog back when you were posting about that.
So yeah, I can see how the vagueness would be a lot more disturbing with an underage child involved.
New response was already sent, BTW.
I got it, and I am posting in 5 minutes… but just so for the record, I don’t normally loan the older one out either… ha!
Yeah… I pretty sure that women for the past century or more haven’t been willing to let dads lend them out.
Their husbands may be even less willing…
Times change, what can you do… okay, the inner view is live!
The rest of the interview is hilarious, by the way…
Thank you.
Okay… I will finish it and have it up in twenty minutes.
I could drink it…could I keep it down? That is the question.
To drink or not to drink, that is the question
NOpe
But then you could afford to pay me 5,000 Moose-Queen dollars for my painting!
pft
pfart
Sure, that would be awesome. Oh wait, you said spit…
umm.. eeewwww….
Don’t knock it till you guzzle it.
wouldn’t think of it…
Without hesitation.
I like people who can make a firm decision like that. I think you should get the million dollars just for that.
It depends on how thirsty I am.
A good, common sense answer. I guess if you were in the dessert, anybody would drink it sooner or later.
I’ll do it for FREE. But only on two conditions:
First, gagging or vomiting either while drinking the camel spit or afterwards does not disqualify me.
Second, I get exclusive book, movie, TV, and YouTube video rights plus all residual income from the fascinating, emotion-packed, heartwarming, gut wrenching, action-packed, laugh-out-loud story of some asshole blogger who turned down a million dollar prize for drinking a twelve-ounce glass of warm camel spit just so he could post on his blog about it…and get exclusive book, movie, TV, and video rights, by the way.
You are going to be so famous…
I like the way you think.
Sometimes the worst decisions we make required the most thought…
Oh… I am so Tweeting that…
You’re doing WHAT? I thought this was a family blog.
Mostly.
Sorry, not for me either. If you offering 5 million, I might consider it for more than a moment, but I’m still not sure it would be enough. Would I have to drink it all at once or could I take a sip a day for a few days. Of course, if it was really awful, a sip a day might be more torture than I could endure. Now you’ve got me all confused. No.
You need to finish if 3 minutes… and keep it down…
Well then I’m finished – I might get it down if I held my nose, but it would definitely come right back up! Maybe I could stand beside Dick Cheney when I drink it? Maybe that would make you happy? Whoever this Dick Cheney dude is!
That would make me happy.
And I am doing your interview soon… just doing the funny comments.
I can’t believe you didn’t even comment on the fact I would throw up all that camel spit on Dick Cheney? You must be stressed out by all these innerviews!
I just got an interview from someone that has upset me deeply…
GO LOOK>>> I POSTED IT
No.
I like a person who knows where to draw the line… How about two million dollars?
I would have to smell it first.
Now we are getting somewhere. I doubt it smells that bad if you use the right camel… and they drink that stuff all day… so…
I don’t know…I’d even have to smell human spit.
I have done that… I mean, not on purpose…
ROFL.
sigh
Yes, as long as I don’t have to go on that show to do it.
Also, I once ate fried grasshoppers and I need something to wash it down with.
Wait… did I promise the spit would be warm? Because it took me two weeks to get the eight glasses of spit out of that stupid camel… and it wasn’t easy to do, trust me… and I have been keeping it in the refrigerator for safety reasons… I might have to microwave it.
So now it’s not even fresh?? Next you going to tell me its not the free range organic camel spit?
It gets worse… this camel was a porn star in Kuwait… they can’t use human females… something about the religious laws…
I think they can use females in Kuwaiti porn, but they have to be fully covered at all times.
We should really just let this one go…
Wait… caramel? or camel? It’s an important distinction.
Since, it’s already been corrected in the post to camel (drat!), I’ll have to ponder for a bit longer. A million dollars… for a cup and a half of warm camel spit. That seems doable. Food hasn’t ever really grossed me out. And a million dollars would easily pay for my new house, a new car, a college fund for the kiddo, and leave me enough left over to pay for therapy for having been a moron and ingested camel spit…
I tried to pick something that was gross, but not actually disturbing, nasty, but not quite toxic.
I appreciate it… and so does my bank account.
I hope not too many people decide to drink it, because I only have enough camel spit for 8 people… and I only have enough money to pay 4 of them… ssssshhhhh… it will be a funny little joke at the end…
Wait, you have 4 million dollars?!?!
Oh right, sorry, shhhh. Got it. Mums the word.
sigh
Do you need an aspirin? I hear they cause memory loss.
That would be nice, but I don’t need any help with that.
Too much time hanging out at concerts with dead heads?
Maybe…
Certainly?
Possibly.
Undoubtedly?
Undeniably.
I’m guessing you typo’d, so yes.
Where do I submit the bill for one million dollars after I’ve drank the warm caramel?
Trust me, if you have to choose between the two, go for the camel spit… the caramel isn’t really caramel… we just used the jar left over from the Ice cream social… it is really warm squeezings of crack squirrel, taken after our annual all-you-can-eat-night at Taco Bell.