Or: Please help me…
I could explain the history of the number thirteen… how it came about because on Friday the 13th in some year long ago, the Knights Templar were slaughtered by European royalty because of jealousy regarding their fame and fortune… but right now I am trying to put out a fire caused by an asteroid that punched through the ceiling of my house causing a wire to short-circuit and the firemen can’t get here because of the hot lava, caused by the asteroid punching through to a large magma chamber below my house, which unfortunately triggered a massive earthquake which might explain the large cracks in my yard out of which are pouring a horde of some type of primitive troglodyte warriors armed with spears and clubs… who are of no use at all when it comes to fighting the fire… and my homeowner’s policy just expired this morning because they know I wont be able to pay the bills after I lose my job… which is no doubt going to happen due to the fact that I lost all four limbs earlier today in an accident involving a weed whacker… but I am fairly certain that the rare genetic disorder I have will kill me before the subterranean army or the smoke inhalation… and yet as I sit here typing with my nose, I can’t help but to consider myself lucky… that my wife and kids left me this morning over my inability to control my blogging habits, and therefore they are not here to watch our termite infested house burn down or be torn apart by primitive savages trying to escape the lava that is pouring into their underground home… and it was, no doubt, the imminent departure of my family that led me to be less carful with my yard work than I should have been, although it would have been nice if I had set the weed whacker aside after disturbing that nest of wasps and getting stung repeatedly and that way I would still have my arms and legs… and right eye… but all things considered… wait… what is that roaring, rushing sound coming towards me???… and here I thought I was having a bit of an unlucky streak, but there is a tidal wave headed towards our house, and that should take care of the fire, the lava, and maybe even the bloodthirsty cannibals…
Things are turning around.
Pouring My Art Out 
I am NOT coming for a visit nor am I ever using your computer – deal with your own snot!
I try…
You are in serious need of a good Canadian. In case you’re wondering, that’s a type of body hair removal. Yes it is.
I thought that was a Brazilian… but I can only imagine that a Canadian involves beaver hair one way or another…
A Canadian is a bit rougher around the edges, so to speak.
It might be that using fire is not a better way to go than wax or razors…
What? The man of steel has not shown up yet!
I was already there!!!
I hope you have flood insurance… oh wait… I forgot… (I’m getting really turned on by my own elipses…)
That sort of self-gratification whilst typing is what leads to writing novels… and blogging… also hairy knuckles and blindness…
You have to get people voting!
I tried…
Then he must try harder mustn’t he? Thems sound like quittin’ words.
I could threaten them with violence…
I don’t see anything wrong with that…
I mean to myself…
Well don’t hurt yourself will you.
I am all empty bluster and posturing.
haha! he did too, he moved himself to second!
I saw, though I fear he may remain there…there’s quite a jump; he must arouse all his followers!
Yes it’s finished now…we have our winner. 🙂
Well… I guess I should make my concession speech…
ahaha!
Or I will just flip the bird like Antthony Wiener…
like who?
Do they have news where you live???
yes but you know i watched a tiny bit the other night for the first time in a long time, and it made me cry, it’s why i don’t watch it. it eneded up being all about a child pornography ring busted. they never balance the news with some good
Good news doesn’t sell.
too bad eh?!
It’s a weird world we live in.
it sucks
A lot of it does.
Oh i did see a little of Obama’s speech that same night too.
There you go.
You do, and a dancing man…I like him!
That was Kirsten’s idea I like him too! I’m sure you’re dancing right now, kilt and all..
That is in fact all we english people do; put kilts on and dance…it helps us deal with the loss of an empire.
If you throw a boing party, expect people to leave early.
…what on earth is a ‘boing’ party?
oh… sorry… boring is what I meant.
That’s ok then…I had visions.
Like Joan of Ark?
Like Silvio Berlusconi.
If you say so.
Speaking of visions; I took a psychedelic drug the other day with a guy from work…they were visions!
I know of whence you speaketh.
That thou do, although thou wouldn’t be able to function on this.
Never underestimate my ability to function.
It’s all relative I guess…how well do you function normally?
Not that well.
I don’t think we’d meet up if we were in the same house you know…
Maybe we live in two separate realities?
I wouldn’t be surprised.
I need your porn ideas… I need ’em bad…
I know and drink…
We haven’t lost any of our drink…
Well it’s in your belly’s right?
Which belies the fact.
ha!
That’s what I said.
then we agree..
I guess…
Ha
Two “ha”s from the one comment! I’m on fire.
ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha
for now…
yes you remember lol
Remember what???
i don’t know!
Don’t know what?
Well, the occasional vomit…
Occupational hazard.
An army travels on its stomach content.
Nice.
It makes the ground nice and slippery.
drink tea… and warm beer.
ewww
Hey, I don’t make this stuff up.
I have to be careful when I spin…
ahhh!
wheeee
I am not bitter…
Hey… I arouse all my followers every day… and it ain’t easy…
But we are.
I didn’t say that… out loud…
We’re number 2!
lol
maybe?
Just don’t wander into the woods tonight by yourself and you should be just fine!
Not doing much wandering… with no legs and all…
Well it’s been a pleasure; if only you were that Arthur Blacke from the books who could get himself out of all kinds of scrapes…hey ho.
I wish I was that guy… I mean, I am, sort of, but not really…
It’s ok…I know you don’t understand quite how it works either.
I just got the manuscript handed to me… for all I know some crazy person made the whole thing up.
I think you could probably bet quite a lot of money on that being the case.
I am not at all sure where reality blurs into nonreality.
Around about rereality I think.
rereally… rereality?
reyes, reabsolutely.
rerediculous
I mean, for all I know, this is the made up dimension, and that other guy is the real one, just imagining all of us for his own amusement.
Well he best be laughing then…
I am sure he is… if he isn’t off on some other adventure saving the universes.
Go Him!
He is really quite good at it.
that’s quite the talented nose typing. you could take that show on the road… you know, if the tidal wave doesn’t sweep you away…
blub… blub… glub…
NOOOO! Not the bloodthirsty cannibals! If the tidal wave doesn’t finish them off, I recommend doughnuts. They’ll all go into sugar comas then.
I will try to body surf my way to the Duncan Donuts…
Well, at least it doesn’t weem to have affected your computer…
Typing with my nose doesn’t even slow me down… that can’t be a good sign…
it doesn’t weem at all
It is, in fact, quite unweemly.
Much like PMAO, who, I am told, is not what he weems.
No he truly isn’t what he weems
……………..
I am exactly what I weem!!!
Ha… I was going to say that too…
lol, it weems, he’s had too much to drink
A weema-whip-a-weema-wuppa-way… in the jungle, the mighty jungle, the lion sleeps tonight…
love that song!
Me too…
whadya know we agree on something..
We can’t let that happen…
i agree
stop it
yes you’re right i should
I couldn’t agree more…
i know right?!
I know I know, and I am right, right?
right
left