Maybe the stupidest thing I ever heard…

This deals with the subject of gay marriage, but whatever your stand on this issue, I think you will agree that this is some seriously warped logic.

I was having a discussion with a guy… just a guy I know, I don’t really like him that much and I like him even less now… I just happened to see him standing outside his house and I stopped to say hi. It was back during the last round of votes in California, when once again the forces of religious closed-minded bigotry won out over fairness and equality. But this was before the vote had taken place.

I made the mistake of asking him what he thought of the whole thing. And this was his take on it;

He launched into a fictional story. He asked me to suppose that he met some guy at work, and he liked the guy, they got along, they had stuff in common. But then he wondered aloud what would happen if the guy said, “Hey, we are both married. Maybe we can all go out for dinner sometime.”

So this mental midget goes on with his hypothetical musings. He sounds a bit horrified as he describes how he and his wife show up at a restaurant and the other couple is two men.

By this time a neighbor of his that I didn’t know had joined us. We exchanged glances and waited for the punchline. Well, it turned out that was the punchline. That was all there was to the story.

Now I know this guys wife, and I do like her. And I know she isn’t a homophobe. And the neighbor, by the look on his face, was as baffled as I was. We tried to ask questions to get some clarification. But that was it. He was somehow convinced that being lured to a public place under the false assumption that he was meeting a straight married couple was some sort of horrible fate.

I tried to get him to explain how this would be bad. Would people assume that he was gay, even though he was with his wife? Would it hurt his standing in the community to be seen to associate with a gay couple? Was the gay going to rub off on him? Would he contract sin through close contact? Or did he just think that gay people should have to wear special t-shirts or get a tattoo on their faces so straight people wouldn’t accidentally like them?

Because he had started the story by saying he liked the guy. And this was his story. By now the neighbor and I were starting to tease the guy. It was impossible not to. He invented a story, decided that the guy in it was someone who he got along with, but he just couldn’t wrap his head around the idea of actually doing anything with him once he found out the guy was gay.  He couldn’t articulate why it bothered him or what was wrong with it. He couldn’t explain how it would have any negative impact on him at all.

But he wasn’t willing to think about it any more deeply than that.

You can’t argue with that kind of lack of logic.

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67 Responses to Maybe the stupidest thing I ever heard…

  1. So all those blokes going to sports games together, according to this bloke’s logic, must be gay! Which probably includes him… I hope he’s not had kids.

  2. stephcalvert's avatar stephrogers says:

    You were right. I love this piece but hate it all at the same time. Imagine being tricked into actually liking a gay person?! What is wrong with people? By the way I have been surrounded by straight people my whole life. I have seen straight people kissing, holding hands, having families. It hasn’t made me straight. The idea that the reverse is true and that gay will somehow rub off on the straight people that I am exposed to is ridiculous. It wouldn’t be any more contagious than red hair and freckles!

  3. benzeknees's avatar benzeknees says:

    Maybe he thinks gays should only be allowed in restaurants catering for gays? Or he thought the guy should warn him he was part of a gay couple before he accepted the invitation? I don’t understand the whole concept of this story, the guy is a lunatic.

  4. This is brilliant! Let’s all pass judgment without even thinking or forming an opinion about it! YEAH!

    Ignorance unite!

  5. jatwood4's avatar jatwood4 says:

    Pardon me for insulting this guy publicly, but he is an idiot and a bigot, and should be spanked. Hard. By a gay man! I bet he would secretly love it! 😎

  6. Stuck's avatar Stuck says:

    Maybe he was just supremely disappointed, to the point of disgusted, that he wouldn’t be able to stare at the other man’s wife’s rack during dinner. Ya just never know. 😉

  7. Arguing with that kind of logic is easy. The hard part is keeping it up without slapping him seven kinds of silly.

  8. I would have LOVED it if when the other neighbor walked up, you said “oh, speaking of that, I’d like you to meet my husband [name]”

  9. elroyjones's avatar elroyjones says:

    One of my favorite quotes ever-

    I hate the word homophobia.
    It’s not a phobia.
    You’re not scared.
    You’re an asshole.
    -Morgan Freeman

  10. joehoover's avatar joehoover says:

    I want the t shirt now. ..what can it say?

  11. duhmerica's avatar DUH'Merica says:

    Wow, people are amazing. Those are usually the people who have some seriously demented skeletons in the closet and/or repressed homosexual feelings.

  12. List of X's avatar List of X says:

    Oh the horrors! To be seen in public with your wife and two other guys! Can there be anything more embarrasing than that?

  13. i wonder if he has be abused by a male?

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