But this time, I sort of hope she is…
The other day I was talking about my blog with my wife. To be honest, she is not thrilled with this, my newest artistic endeavor. She thinks I spend too much time on it. I pointed out that I have not played a computer game since I started blogging, and I even watch less TV than I used to, so it all balances out in the long run. The look she gave me was not encouraging. But during the course of this conversation, I started one of my comments with; “One of my blog friends said,”…
She looked at me with what could be considered disbelief.
And then she said something like, “These people are not your friends.”
I knew what she meant. That we are all people who just chat. That many of us have a persona that is not the same as our true selves. That words on a screen are not really a relationship. That our emotional bond is not the same as with people we know personally. She in no way meant to imply, I am sure, that we don’t all get along and have fun and talk about our lives. I can see how it is a lot easier to have a positive relationship with people when you can filter out the things you don’t agree with just by not reading those words. You can’t do that with people you see often face to face, let alone the people you actually live with.
I have been pondering this for a few days. What is the definition of friendship? How deep does are emotional attachment actually go? Are we really friends?
What I have decided is that, for the most part, she is absolutely correct. With most of you, calling our relationship a friendship would be overstating the case. I don’t mean that in a bad way. We can be buddies, pals, cohorts, comrades, chums, whatever you wish to call it. I still ‘like’ you. That being said, I also figured out a few things about friendship while the concept has been rattling around in my cranium.
Friends are people who talk to you and listen to you. They help you when you have a problem. They learn about you and, for some reason, they still like you. They give you advice. They don’t stop liking you when you have a bad day or week. They take the time to think about what you say. They hang around, even after they have heard all your good stories and jokes. In short, they care.
By these standards, some of you are my friends. I wont embarrass you by naming you individually, but I think you know who you are. And not to put too fine of a point on it, by these same standards, most of my Facebook friends barely qualify as friends. And I spend a lot more time with some of you than I do with my friends I grew up with, or even with the friends I have now, when I think about it.
So here is what I have decided; I do have friends out there. Friends I have never met, and most likely never will meet. But I am going to think of them… you… as friends.
Pouring My Art Out 
I hope there’s nothing your wife spends a lot of time on that doesn’t necessarily include you. I’d hate for her to be a hypocrite!
I don’t think that argument would win me any points.
You only need one point. The point you make by equating what you do on here with something she does, possibly accompanied by a statement about how you would never comment on something she loved to do.
It just doesn’t work that way, but that doesn’t mean I think it’s bad advice.
Can’t think of anythng profound or wise to say but just a great post!
Thanks.
Wow. Wonderful conversation here. I love the idea that “on line” people are a current day version of pen pals. Good comparison I think. I DO understand her point…the mental image of her doing that brought me up short and her comment actually made me uncomfortable for a moment…an initial feeling that it was valid. But connections to others do not HAVE to be face to face. If your children move thousands of miles away and have children, does that lack of face to face contact make your connection with those grandchildren invalid? As long as your face to face connections do not completely disappear and you “on line” connect to the exclusion of them, I personally think it should not be an issue worth fretting over.
No, we should all stay indoors for the rest of our lives and only communicate through typing. That is the direction that the future is heading. Down with reality.
Can I quote you on this?
Oh. well, that’s good to know. saying “friends” is shorter than saying “brothers and sisters in bloggerdom”–although perhaps not nearly as fun.
I guess it doesn’t matter what words we use. It is an emotion to like someone.
Funny you post this. I have this dialog around my house all the time.
A friend is whoever you feel connected too. Period.
Each of us define “friend” as to what it means to us. Who cares what others think?
A friend can last a lifetime, a friend can last 39 days on a island, a friend can last a few years.
A friend is someone we connect too, someone we laugh with, someone we care about. I’ve met some awesome people on the computer over the last 20 years and most of them I never would have met otherwise.
My life has been better due to meeting them and having them to mess with, harass, care about, learn from, whatever.
When I get into this debate with people, I’ve come to realize that 9 out of 10 times, it is with a person who isn’t big on being on the internet. Therefor they don’t (or can’t possibly) understand the connections you make to others.
So as long as I’m blogging, you are my friends. My blogging buddies. 😀
And I mean everything I say (or type rather)
We have all learned to say things in the most interesting way in the shortest number of words. In real life people can just ramble on forever. That makes us special.
You might especially enjoy Charles Schulz’ 1964 book, “I Need All the Friends I Can Get,” in which Charlie Brown, concerned about the same question you are, searches for the definition of a friend. It is Linus who finds the dictionary definition: “A friend is a person whom one knows well and is fond of.” This definition has stuck with me since. Good enough for me!
Thank you. I always loved that round-headed dude. My nephew looks just like him.
Someone I’ve been friends with for – oh never mind how many years – well, she once told me that some people see me with their eyes. She said she sees me with her heart. Sniff sniff. No. Seriously. That got to me. As I see it, she IS my friend. Has been. And I see where Mrs. Right is coming from, but I guess there are different degrees of friendship. For the most part, I blog around with people that have similar interests and I look forward to our short conversations. It’s more than I get from the people I’ve worked with the past ten years, sadly. Whatever makes sense at the time, I guess. Whatever (whoever) makes ya happy.
That was beautiful and well said.
I agree with the Hobbler. If I hadn’t decided to blog a few months ago I’m not sure what I’d be doing today to stay somehow connected to society or keep what’s left of my sanity. I know I’d feel a lot lonelier during the long day sitting here by myself. My husband does think it’s a little weird that I check in a few times a day to see what my “cyber friends” are up to, but I quickly remind him that if it wasn’t for you all I’d probably be “cyber shopping” and that usually quiets him right down. 😉
Also, as far as true friends go, I’ve gotten some honest and constructive feed back from some of you blogging buddies with regards to my writing samples. Key word “honest”. I don’t think I’ve ever really gotten that from my “real world” friends.
OK… one more thing and then I’ll shush my mush. Sometimes we sort of have to be “forced friends” with people in the real world (I hate calling it that but I can’t think of a witty substitute) because of who they may be associated with. (i.e. spouse’s friends, friends’ spouses etc.) But here in the blogosphere who we interact with is totally up to each individual. I don’t follow you because for instance GingerSnaap follows you, or vice versa so in a sense it seems more real to me here.
Sorry, that was super long. Maybe I should have followed Persuaded2go’s lead.
Can I quote you on that “I agree with the Hobbler”? I may need it one day.
Why do I think you already cut and pasted that Hobbler? 😉
How did you guess? I won’t quote unless she okays it, I still have a tiny bit of decency left.
But of course… use it at will. But I’m sure it won’t be the last time you see those words. 😉
I wonder if there is a limit to how many comments can be attached to one post. This little ramble of mine has generated some rather stimulating dialog.
I hope not. But I don’t know how much longer people will mind their name being associated with mine. 😉
Are you OK? What did you do? You seem really worried about something.
Yeah, I’m okay. What did I do?…I just think too much. I overanalyze everything. Lately my writing. I think that I am going to just write a post on it because this comment could be a post…
I am sure you don’t mean to think too much. And it least you are good at it. Not everyone is.
Thanks. I was actually thinking that it might be better not to overanalyze it any more. I might think of a game to distract myself instead.
Oh, just read my new post, and it will cheer you up, clear your head, make you feel all warm and gushy, and you will probably even be able to walk and run again… I am that good.
And it’s totally about you. And a few other people.
Thanks, I will soon. I need your help with something though. I am about to post it.
I love it when I do a post that makes people think and talk about stuff that seems so obvious but really isn’t.
I need to do one more post on friendship.
Write it right away maestro… you got some great conversations going here from that one.
some of my real life friends think we are a bunch of losers, they don’t get it. whilst I listen to them moaning about each other, I know people here talk more openly and honestly than they actually do. its no different to having a pen pal, just much more convenient. see 84 charing cross road, a friendship grew and they never met. People slow down here, read, listen and respond, often in real life everyone is too busy talking over each other. but also like real world in that,some Bloggers come and go, their real life intervenes, but they can come back and pick up where you left off, others disappear forever, just like the real world, so friends here are no less valid. a shame ones I am more friendlier with are over the Atlantic. one day I’ll get over there, though even that thought is scary, crossing blog and real life…maybe the earth will implode as a result.
Joe, you already know that sometimes I say too much, so I’m just going for it…
You know that I am across the Atlantic…and that I will have some candy waiting (saying that makes me feel like a pervert or something. It is wonka bars everyone who might be spying on this comment discussion), so I sure as hell hope that you are on your way to see me when the earth implodes. It really is scary though. I’m not nearly as charming in person…
We will show you the sights.
What the hell PMAO…Joe is mine. I guess you can have him when he goes pacific, but just remember…he’s mine.
You might enjoy the post I just published. Might. I had too much to say to just leave a comment.
Are you planning to read it? Or did I write it for someone else named Art???
And thank you for kicking me in the head to remind me not to ignore people, even though I never mean to. There are people out there that I need to get to know, and sometimes I pass right by them. But you didn’t give up on me, and I will be forever grateful.
Hey, no problem. I figured it was the mature alternative to farting and walking away. I’m not always that mature though…
That is called crop dusting, just so you know.
nice…I’ll have to use that one…thanks.
Will Farrell may have invented that phrase, or he stole it, so feel free.
You should get a divorce.
Actually I get what she means. I get what you mean. What really makes a friend? Some people have friends they see all the time yet hate. I don’t think the label matters. Just as long as you know you like each other.
Do you like me? I can still stalk you if you don’t, but it might be less creepy if you do.
Are you talking to me or flirting with moose again?
Moose…totally. 😉
Just say it… you like me…
I do like you PMAO…just so you know.
In fact, I have made my affection for you quite clear to many other bloggers. In a totally uncreepy way.
Sorry Hobbler, my dear, but that time I was speaking to Mooselicker when I said, ‘Just say it… you like me…’
I already do know you are absolutely head over heels in like with me… But the Moose is starting to show actual human emotions, and I would like to encourage that.
Your comment just got in between my comment and his comment.
Oh for cryin out loud, are we fighting to get that guy’s attention? He will be unbearable now.
I am laughing, but I feel a little ill.
Yeah, I know what you mean PMAO…I don’t think I realized what I was getting into wanting to stalk him. He looks sweet and innocent, but the more of his stuff I read, the more I realize that he might be a little more than even I can handle.
I like the guy. He is funny and smart. And just a little scary. I keep telling myself that some of his more extreme points of view are just a joke, a sarcastic commentary on human nature… but I am not 100% sure…
And yet, while I type this, there is a picture of my face right below my words, with my throbbing proboscis trying to poke me, so who am I to talk…
I am not sure about any of you honestly. This bad girl thing is taking on a life of its own, and it seems to be leading me into a whole lot of trouble. 😉 You both are a little crazy, but I am the one with split personality blogs, so I am just going to hang on and enjoy the ride.
Just so you can stop worrying about me, let me assure you of one thing. Despite my colorful and somewhat interesting youth, in which I did indeed manage to get myself into quite a lot of trouble, I am, at heart, just what I seem to be. A harmless, goofy, ex hippy who loves babies and art and words. I really don’t have a mean bone in my body. I make a great neighbor… just like Conan would… If some of my posts cause you to question my sanity, just remember that I throw a lot of stuff out there just to see how people respond to it. But I am completely unprejudiced, except towards a few politicians I could mention. I am not a hater.
I’m not worried about you at all seriously. You seem like all those things you describe yourself as. I think that you are a good artist too, which impresses me more than I would like to admit. Words are hot, sexy, addictive, they are like a drug; but art speaks a whole different language. It is a language of the heart. Don’t think I am a softy now though…
You are a lovely armadillo… hard shell on the outside, but, as driving on any desert highway will attest, squishy on the inside… try not to get run over by any big rigs…
Too late…I’ve spilled my guts more times than I can count.
Good comeback. eeeewwww…. I keep trying to spill my guts, but the taste makes me keep swallowing them back down. I need a semi truck.
If blog friends don’t count, then I am really lonely. I won’t go in to too much detail, but there is nothing like a huge life event to separate real friends from the one’s playing pretend. You and my other friends on WordPress care a hell of a lot more about me than people who I used to think of as friends.
Yes, we do, especially me… and Ed, who cares enough to be a complete jerk. If this ain’t love, what is it?
Hey! I’m only a partial jerk!
Partial jerk… good name for the band, and an excellent motto for life… but a little frustrating as a self-gratification exercise…
On that note, I’ve always thought the clean and jerk was backwards.
Was that a weight lifting joke??? I never heard one of those before.
Really? Pumping iron? Hit the showers? Do it til it hurts? No pain no gain? 12 oz curls?
So can I start referring to my tendency to procrastinate as ‘wait lifting’…?
As long as it’s okay with your wife, I guess….
Oh, I see where you are going with this… I am whipped… I get it. She doesn’t stop me from blogging, she just doesn’t get it the way those of us who do it do… if you see what I mean. She is very logic-side-of-the-brain. That is why we work as a team and raise such awesome kids.
I have to play nice with Hotspur right now. I think he is still mad at me.
It is impossible to tell anything from his tone. He gives nothing away. He is an enigma. But I sure wouldn’t want him mad at me…
Yeah. It is like the biggest tragedy ever. I should write about it…
Then again, sometimes my writing can piss people off even more. It would be very difficult to approach the subject matter without some sarcasm slipping through. I think I’m just going to leave it alone, and see what happens.
Passive aggressive and noncommittal… Way to take a stand. Just kidding… nobody wants you mad, and nobody wants you to get them mad. Better safe than sorry, I almost never say.
I think I shouldn’t be talking. I’m feeling a little more sarcastic than usual, which is pretty bad…See you later PMAO.
bye
I’ve been married almost 32 years, and my wife’s never wrong. Maybe that’s why we are still married after 32 years.
When I met my wife, I knew she was Miss right… I didn’t know her first name was always… sigh.
I have been pondering this very same subject for a couple of days too. Bloggers are equal to the work friends I have had in the past. We do what we can to help one another.
I trust that what I am reading is true. I don’t divulge anything here that my husband isn’t aware of first. I do sometimes mention things that the other people in my physical world are unaware of. I work from home.
Often the only social interaction I have is in the blogosphere. I reference the people in my blogging world in conversations I have in the tangible world. My husband is more likely to dread the day when he comes home to find you all here LIVE and in person.
I’d give you a pint of blood if you needed it, but I’m not sure I’d donate a kidney.
We should all get together at your house for a barbecue… just to drive your hubby crazy. That would be so awesomely funny. And what kind of conversations could we have with this crew of mutant misfits? We could solve all the world’s problems.
We should have a convention like the Trekkie convention or the comic book convention. It would be so cool!
Best idea ever…
I’ve gotten to know many people through blogs, forums and the like, and even though I’ve never met any of them, I still count many of them as friends. I will be forever grateful to some places for giving me the chance to meet certain people, including my fiancé. =]
I didn’t even mention all those people who found love through these crazy magic computer box thingies. Thanks.
I have made some very good friends here on WordPress and they fit perfectly into your description above. To the non-blogging world it may sound crazy, but to me it is not crazy at all!
I know,without a doubt, that my pals have my back and are honest as well as genuine. I don’t know how it happened that I found them/you, but I did. I will call it a ‘happy accident’!
You are my blueberry headed friend 😉
And you are my pomegranate pus’d pal… try saying that 3 times fast. I used pal so I could fit in an extra p… you know I consider you a friend.
I really don’t know how to classify “friends” of the ether. “Blogbuddies”, maybe. To me a friend is someone who accepts me on my worse day. By that definition, you folks will probably never get a chance to prove yourself; its a burden you’ll never have to carry. Whatever these relationships are, they do provide a certain measure of harmless pleasure. I can live with that.
I don’t know why I search for more meaning in everything. I think too much… I think…
I thought I think too much, but I think I might be wrong… I think.
You so get me.
Dear God…
Be afraid, be very afraid.