Yes, I am taking a stand on peeing!

I suppose I am also taking a seat on where people should be able to poop, too, and let’s face it, what this country needs is that one, brave, transgendered person living in the South, to refuse to give up their toilet seat… we need a Rosa Parks for the new millennium!!!

This whole argument is so freekin’ ridiculous. The idea that men… child-molesting perverts and rapists… are going to be dressing up in drag in order to assault people in the restrooms is not what bothers the people making this an issue. This is just another way for religious zealots to express their hatred of people that they consider to be sinful, and for idiots to feel like they have some control over their lives by taking away another option from members of another minority.

Transgendered people have enough trouble in their lives without wasting time trying to molest people in bathrooms… and the real, dangerous child molesters already have a way to do that… they drive around in windowless vans full of candy and puppies. Yes, some rapes do occur in bathrooms… now, go on, find one story in the news about a transgendered person convicted of doing that… just one… go ahead… we will wait…

I am not even sure that most of the people supporting these new bathroom laws really even know what a transgendered person is. I suspect they think they are just men in drag. I don’t have the time, space, or energy to explain to you how stupid you are, if that is what you think.

Look, here’s the thing… and this is a thing about my thing, so bear with me… but I would rather not pee standing right beside anybody, if I had my choice. Standing beside a long line of guys, holding my thing, while they are all holding their things, is a thing that shouldn’t even be a thing, that’s the thing!

Going to the bathroom is awkward at the best of times. Men’s rooms are disgusting. I don’t know why men have such a hard time hitting a toilet, but let’s just say that if firemen were all that bad at aiming their hoses, all the fires in the world would still be burning. Guys, stop spending so much time worrying about who might be in the restroom with you, and start practicing your target shooting… Here is a tip: when you are at home, each time you have to pee, drop a Cheerio in the bowl and try to hit it with your pee. Trust me, your family will appreciate it.