Well, I do apologize about this… I thought I was done talking about the new bathroom laws popping up in the Southern states… but the crack squirrels that live in my head had a few more things to say… so… uh… yeah… (I have to humor them, or they chew on the wiring)…
Dear people of the South who are all in a tizzy and having the vapors over this whole ‘who can pee where’ thing,
I will get your smelling salts while you stick your head between your legs until the dizzy spell passes. Don’t you fret none, my little wilting hothouse flowers. Uncle Arty has come up with a few simple solutions to the maddening forward progress the world keeps insisting on making, despite the fact that you are uncomfortable with progressive change.
You can have your pee and drink it too…
Here are some things you can do:
*Just build new restrooms right beside your special ‘this-restroom-is-only-for-people-who-think-and-look-like-me’ restrooms. In fact, you can put them in the exact spot where you used to build special restrooms for the ‘colored’ people… (sorry, their words, not mine)… This plan will only cost you a few hundred million dollars of your tax money, plus whatever loss of federal funds you will have to give up… a small price to pay to keep yourselves pure and unsullied.
*You can secede from the United States, and just do whatever the heck you want to.
*You can drive around with your outhouse in the back of your pickup truck… if you aren’t already.
*You can pee in the freakin’ woods like the other, lower mammalian life forms.
*You can just hold it in until we get this all figured out… (if this leads to any health problems, that will sort of suck, because you probably are going to try to abolish cheap healthcare, but hey, you take your stand, you make your bed, and if you end up wetting it, then at least you made your point, right?).
Like so many of the divisive issues of our day, these ‘fear-of-change’ issues that seek to undo so much of our forward progress, this is just another chance for you to pick which side of history you want to come down on… and don’t blame the rest of us when you have to explain to your grandkids someday why you picked the side you did.
We already agreed on so many of these issues, women’s right to choose, equal civil rights for all people, and now health care for all. The thing is… and if you don’t think this is a scary thing, then I am worried about you… Trump and his ‘make America great again’ thinking is the same as admitting that America isn’t great. Wrap your brain around that. This ‘let’s go back to the good old days’ plan isn’t the answer to our problems. Just how far back do you want to go, exactly?
If you are African American or Asian American or Latino or female, we don’t have to go back that far to reach a time when you couldn’t vote, or have a decent job. If you come from an Irish or Italian heritage, we don’t have to back much further to get to when you were treated like crap… which is ironic in light of what we are talking about.
Hey, I have a great way to bring this whole conversation around in a complete circle… why don’t we go back to before they invented toilet paper?