The first rule of religious club is; we don’t talk about religious club… (or); seriously, why haven’t you all gotten together and put me in charge of this crazy planet yet?

Posted on August 15, 2015 by pouringmyartout

I did it. I solved another of the world’s major problems. You’re welcome.

Religion causes way too many problems. I have been talking it over… with the crack squirrels that live inside my head… and I have a simple solution. As soon as you all decide to let me be in charge, here is what I plan to do;

I am going to ban talking about religion… and this includes all of us that don’t even have a religion. Oh, and one other thing… and this is the thing that makes this such a brilliant solution… it will also be against the rules to either switch your religion or try to convince anyone else to join it. (You can, however, decide to drop your religion… as long as you don’t pick up a new one)…

These deceptively simple changes will make all the difference. There would be absolutely no point in killing people in the name of your religion anymore, or using terrorism to try to scare people into converting to your religion, or going to war to conquer new territories in order to forcibly convert people.  There would be no more arguing and fighting over which religion makes the most sense or which is right or wrong. There would be no more judging people or telling them they are going to hell.

And all my plan requires is for everybody to keep their religion… or lack thereof… inside their own heads… where it belongs…

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About pouringmyartout

You will laugh at my antics... That is my solemn promise to you... Or your money back... Stop on by...
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45 Responses to The first rule of religious club is; we don’t talk about religious club… (or); seriously, why haven’t you all gotten together and put me in charge of this crazy planet yet?

  1. brickhousechick's avatar brickhousechick says:
    August 17, 2015 at 8:04 pm

    In the name of the Father, The Son, The Holy Spirit, AMEN!

    Reply
  2. Trent Lewin's avatar Trent Lewin says:
    August 17, 2015 at 3:58 am

    I will accept your rule. But I will not accept your gruel. I am a free Canadian dude.

    Reply
  3. allthoughtswork's avatar allthoughtswork says:
    August 15, 2015 at 10:18 pm

    Meanwhile, us atheists just spent our entire day vigorously giving zero shits about who’s invisible man in the sky could beat up who else’s invisible man in the sky. It frees us up for Scrabble, sex, and world domination. Spoiler alert.

    Reply
  4. 1jaded1's avatar 1jaded1 says:
    August 15, 2015 at 8:25 pm

    Merci. Je t’aime.

    Reply
  5. OLED PHAT nu glee's avatar OLED PHAT nu glee says:
    August 15, 2015 at 4:01 pm

    I think they already have laws like that in a country or two. The results are always rather intriguing to behold. ;P

    Reply
  6. List of X's avatar List of X says:
    August 15, 2015 at 1:23 pm

    What do you mean, I won’t be able to make jokes about religion anymore?

    Reply
  7. LVital7019's avatar LVital7019 says:
    August 15, 2015 at 12:36 pm

    If only everything that made sense could be written into an actual law.

    Reply
  8. Tippy Gnu's avatar Glazed says:
    August 15, 2015 at 12:14 pm

    But what if you’re religiously non-religious, and then decide to drop that religion?

    Reply
  9. Paul's avatar Paul says:
    August 15, 2015 at 12:09 pm

    Ha! Best of luck. Although I have to say that I have always believed that religious scriptures should be stamped “For Internal Use Only”. And most actually say that “Judge Not” . Humans being what they are seem incapable of keeping their opinions to themselves. Que Sera.

    Reply

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