It seems to me… and the crack squirrels living inside my head… that it might be kind of nice if they made the sides of toilet seats a little wider and flatter so that… how can I put this delicately… so that you can sort of tilt up on one cheek to facilitate access to the areas that you need to reach when you are finished with a longer stay in the restroom… (How was that for delicate?)…
Okay, I guess there has to be a ‘thing’ here, and I am sure you saw it coming, but… the thing is… (Hey, did you notice I just announced the ‘thing’ before I told you the thing? I am trying to mix things up a little)… now I am wondering if the rest of you do indeed tip up on your side for the finishing up bit. Maybe I am the only one who does that. Maybe you all have some other method involving going in deep from the front or standing up… I am trying really hard not to get a real mental image of this, if you don’t mind…
But it has just occurred to me that, other than a few vague tips and pointers our mom’s give us very early in life, we don’t really get a lesson in how to do this particular thing… or am I wrong about that too? Maybe my mom told me and I just forgot. Or maybe she assumed I was smart enough to figure out how to do that all by myself.
Either way, feel free to share as much… or as little… as you feel comfortable with on this particular… and peculiar… subject.
Pouring My Art Out 
Just not from the front if you are a woman!
ha
Rain makes things wet
oh my
Stand in the garden. If it is cold, the temperature is low. If you are getting wet, it is raining. If there is a big bright ball in the sky, it is sunny.
that is just crazy enough to work
It may … If it does, I want to patent it
Go for it
I will
please see that you do
you’ll hear if I see
I’ll see if I hear
I like the feels
I hike with eels
I bike with heels
I spike my peels
I hike with seals
I trike my meals
I spike my reels
I dike my kneels
I just did a post that you might enjoy…
What ho!
That ho
Ho ho
don’t get personal
I wipe front to back from between my legs. I’m trying to picture in my head how that tilting process would work but I’m just not quite getting it.
must be a guy thing… there is no front to wipe…
Yes, I see what you mean. Of course most ladies will deny the entire process entirely
That is what I figured… and yet you caught me off guard…
ha ha yeah that happens now and then
not to me it doesn’t
Welcome to my wild world
I guess so
I honestly have no idea how I do it…
denial… a good strategy for those awkward alone time moments…
Try being female for a while. Tee hee …..
I did… HA!!! I don’t even know what that means, but it cracked me up.
You are totally something else!!! Your ability to make me laugh is a Gift! Thank you. Love, Amy
That is what I try to do… so I am glad to hear it works, my friend.
There is not enough laughter in this world, and from my understanding, getting others to laugh is not as easy as first thought. I LOVE making people laugh, and it is usually at my own expense, based on a real life story of what I did or what happened to me. If you don’t put a spin of comedy on Life … well let’s just say, I do at times, and I double over laughing so hard …. yep, laughing at me. LOL
I do like to put my own idiocy out there if it will make people smile.
I do it a lot. Hehehehehe I don’t post a lot of the idiocy on Petals, only when I am guided to. I laugh so hard while I am making up the post. Some of the things that happen to me …. LOL …. I just seem to have one of those kind of lives.
we are kindred spirits in that…
Yep, that’s evident.
yay
So YES, you really do have a Gift! 🙂
Thanks. So much
I don’t want to go there!
Leslie
just as well… and I don’t blame you
Art,
Once you’re done digging around, take a moment to think about this:
well… dude… I was the one who made most of the comments on that post… and digging around??? Is that a butt wiping joke?
I know you made comments. It just seemed like an appropriate thought for you as you were wiping your butt.
Nothing is out of bounds during that magical time… oh… and remind me to show you what Mollie got me for Christmas…
yep, i tilt to finish too. You are right on about making the sides flatter and wider. I’m about 1/8 of a ton (you’re not a real man until you know your weight as a fraction of a ton -Ha!) which sounds like a lot but i’m 6’3″ . As a result the toilet seat keeps lossening up from the tilting. It is annoying to be continually tightening the seat. I like your idea much better.
I was also 250 pounds but I’m 6 feet 4 inches… and I lost almost 50 of it… although now I am gaining it back because I switched to the e-cigs
I hear in Canada 1/8 ton is more than 250 pounds because of the exchange rate.
And yet ironically Canadians probably weigh less than Americans on average…
You’re right X, but you see i’m participating in this here bloggy thingy that is written by a good ol’ ‘merican, so i thoughtfully use ‘merican weights. The difference is in the spelling – as Doobster would be pleased to know – a “ton” is 2,000 pounds and is an Imperial measure. A “tonne” is 1,000 kilograms and is a metric measurement. A metric tonne is about 2,200 pounds, so I am about 1/9 of a tonne or 1/8 of a ton. See? it all makes perfect sense. Which reminds me – why have you Americans stuck so stolidly to the Imperial system? You are in the minority in the world. And once you get used to it, metric is so much easier – everything is in 10’s and all related to each other. So a liter of water weighs exactly 1 kilogram by definition. There are 100 degrees from water freezing to water boiling. Pure water freezes at exactly 0 degrees celcius, and so on. It is much, nuch easier to remember.
Paul, you don’t have to convince me of the advantages of metric system. Why do you think I write lists of 10? 🙂
And thanks a tonne for ton/tonne clarification.
Ha……….
How many cubits is it from here to Art’s place in San Diego ( a cubit being defined as the distance of the forearm from the elbow to the tip of te middle finger)?
That would be almost exactly 10 million cubits. Wow… I think we’re onto some sort of Artmetric system.
My God, you’re right X, I just ciphered it out – an Artmetric system – we could write a scholarly paper and publish it.
make that a scholarly parchment…
I think you should do it. You don’t even have a blog to distract you.
Oh, and make sure to add Art as a co-author.
my mom will be so proud
Hey, I guest blog at least once a week, and more often twice a week and sometimes 3 times a week. Sheesh. Plus I have dialysis for about 21 hours a week including travel. Then I have a week like everyone else on top of it.
I am not making light of your life, just the world in General
Ok, let’s start development of it – but let’s move the discussion to COMMENT HERE post. It’s kind of off-topic here, and nothing is off-topic there.
I turned off the e-mail notifications on the comment post – it was driving me nuts. I might have 500 notifications and 250 would be “comment” notifications , most of them umm or uh huh or some such.
I only get comment notifications through WordPress, no e-mails.
Are you saying you don’t want to do it there?
don’t take no for an answer… minion up
I’m doing it already.
I am right there with you
Oh, that’s you!
where???
There! – look!
Oooh… I am a handsome beast
That you are
ha
and Trent and Julie would love this
I’m hoping they get involved, too, if they want to keep their #1 and #2 spots.
I have learned to take what I can get
Well, you’re obviously commenter #1 on your own blog.
Sigh
ok… I really have to go,,, this was awesome… thanks, and I hope you like my drug slang lesson
You’re welcome – and by the way, this was a personalized list of 10 about you, if you haven’t noticed 🙂
I missed that… But now I am touched, honored and not a little aroused…
It was hard to touch you from 10 million cubits away.
It must have been
My computer freezes everytime I get into a wordpress screen – it is old and feeble , just like its owner Ha! So I use e-mail notification.
I wish we could update your computer… And you
I’m doing it there anyway.
you go, boyyyyyyyy
no… sometimes they are ‘ha’ or yup
and that is why I love my minions…
cubit zirconium…
How many cubits is that?
cubits rube… not to be confused with a Rubrics cube or a rubric tube… how did we get on cubits anyway… isn’t that more Biblical than metric?
Ask Paul. He drove like a billion cubits around the country.
yeah, packed in the back of his truck… does that make him an expert… I delivered stuff in a van for a living and I can’t do math
You have minions to do the math for you.
thank my lucky stars
And you have minions to thank your lucky stars for you, too.
I should one in charge of that
won’t this interfere with your primary job of taking over the world?
I meant put a minion in charge of that… I left out a whole word
More like 10 billion ( I did about 3 million miles and if 3,000 miles is 10 million cubits, then 3 million would be about 10 billion cubits) of course Art would have longer arms (being 6’4″) so it would be less than that for him. Ha!
We cant start judging the world by my peculiarities… Wouldn’t be fair… To the world…
I was emphasizing the randomness of the imperial system – like who defines zero on the temp scale as the freezing point of water saturated with salt? Or why is there 32 US fluid ounces in a quart? Almost as random as a cubit being the distance between the elbow and tip of middle finger.
Oh… Well that makes perfect sense
I got the tip of a middle finger for you… HA
My head hurts…