A funny pirate poem…

Posted on October 24, 2013 by pouringmyartout

a head 18 copy

NEW AGE PIRATES

I’ve got a cool hat and some razor-sharp blades

A tropical drink and some black Ray-Ban shades

I’m off to be a pirate, and sail the seven seas

With a recliner in my cabin for when I take my ease

I’ve got a fast ship, now I need a stout crew

We’ve got a whole lot of pillaging and plundering to do

We have sails to hoist, and a very tall mast

Or an engine and hydroplanes for when we want to go fast

I’ve got us some kegs, and they’re all full of rum

An extensive wine list if you think you want some

There are boxes of hardtack and barrels of stew

And I stole a French chef trained at Le Cordon Bleu

Yes we’ve got a nice plank for the prisoners to walk

Or use as a diving board when we’re tied up at the dock

We can keelhaul lubbers or fight a manly duel

Got a gun deck full of cannons, a hot tub and a pool

Oh we can swashbuckle with cutlass and sword

Or lounge on the lido deck and play shuffleboard

Yes, there’s a crows nest, and yes, there’s a map

But we have GPS if you’d rather take a nap

We’ll hoard pieces of eight and we’ll bury a treasure

And free Wi-Fi for when you are taking your leisure

We’ve got a black flag with a skull and crossed bones

Cruise missiles, of course, and some really gnarly drones

But we’re not setting sail to board big oil tankers

We’re heading to Wall Street to rob investment bankers

We aren’t going to sea to perform pirate missions

But to Washington DC to loot greedy politicians

So come on, me hearties, my fine buccaneers

The bar on the poop deck has artisanal beers

We may be bound for the gallows, and the hangman’s tight noose

But till then the only rub is from a well-trained masseuse

————————————

I just thought it would be funny to update the whole pirate lifestyle and bring it into the modern era… oh, and add a little of the American work ethic that makes us such a force to be reckoned with in the new global economy…

There is that new Tom Hanks movie out now about a ship being boarded by Somali pirates. You see those guys in their little fishing boats, obviously starving, and you could almost feel sorry for them. I am not standing up for what they do, you understand. Just pointing out that you can see how desperation and hunger could lead them to a life of piracy.

Also, I just remembered that as I was waking up, I heard on the news that just this morning an American ship was attacked by pirates somewhere. So the timing is either very good or very bad, depending on how you decide to view it. But I already had the idea in my head from last night as I was falling asleep… so…

And besides, I have that picture of me at Disneyland in my new pirate hat… with a fancy drink in hand… and I just couldn’t help myself.

Hey, pirates don’t follow the rules of etiquette and good behavior. That’s why we are pirates.

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About pouringmyartout

You will laugh at my antics... That is my solemn promise to you... Or your money back... Stop on by...
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84 Responses to A funny pirate poem…

  1. hastywords's avatar hastywords says:
    October 28, 2013 at 4:52 pm

    Applause, applause, applause

    Reply
  2. Shards Of DuBois's avatar Shards Of DuBois says:
    October 25, 2013 at 5:03 pm

    used to go to a bar called “bushwackers”, lol, split into two words on the bathroom doors!!! and I’m game for taking over DC, those wackers all need to go! 🙂

    Reply
  3. The Muscleheaded Blog's avatar the muscleheaded blog says:
    October 25, 2013 at 5:50 am

    my only question is about RUM. spiced or not spiced?

    Reply
  4. Trenton Babbage Enterprises's avatar Trenton Babbage Enterprises says:
    October 25, 2013 at 2:00 am

    Apart from ‘walk’ and ‘dock’ not rhyming when spoken in the mother tongue, you did pretty well; i shall dust off my parrot.

    Reply
  5. wildersoul's avatar WilderSoul says:
    October 24, 2013 at 9:58 pm

    Th pirat hat caught my y
    Th n th tropical drink caught m fancy!

    Reply
  6. philosophermouseofthehedge's avatar philosophermouseofthehedge says:
    October 24, 2013 at 9:26 pm

    Jolly yachty! (who could pass up pillaging and a “chef trained at Le Cordon Bleu”)

    Reply
  7. Eagle-Eyed Editor's avatar Eagle-Eyed Editor says:
    October 24, 2013 at 5:04 pm

    Next step: Pirate video!

    Reply
  8. Georgia's avatar Bastet says:
    October 24, 2013 at 3:41 pm

    lovely…simply lovely!

    Reply
  9. rahconteur's avatar rahconteur says:
    October 24, 2013 at 3:41 pm

    Just the stuff I like to read. Hope you’d be entertained too by these: http://rahconteur.wordpress.com/2011/05/26/crap-concept/ and http://rahconteur.wordpress.com/2011/06/02/oh-obsama/

    Reply
  10. celticillumination's avatar celticillumination says:
    October 24, 2013 at 3:37 pm

    Well, shiver me timbers, a man after me own heart
    In your pirate world, I’d like to play a part,
    If Wall Street’s the target, and you’ve brought the rum,
    I’ll get me parrot, me cutlass, and I’ll be your chum,
    I’ve an eye patch and wooden crutch, but I’ll not let you down,
    I’ll even take me turn in the barrel when it comes around.
    So yo ho ho, jingle them pieces of eight
    I’m coming on board, it’s me, second mate.

    Reply

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