Help, I am being held hostage on an alien space station by a Wasp Whip space pirate. He says if you don’t buy my book, he is going to kill me…

Hey, look at that. He already bought a copy. So you know he means business, because he knows how funny the novel is. Fortunately for me, you can find out how to order the book for a very reasonable price on e-readers or in paperback by just moving your eyes to the right a little. See? It’s all right there in the sidebar.

So come on. You aren’t really going to let me die just to save $2,99 are you?

Wait… what? Hold on, the pirate is trying to tell me something…

Oh… okay… He says that the picture of him is lame. There should be some sort of space background to prove that we are really on an alien space station and not just some cheap Photoshop trick… Hold on… I’m working on it…

How about this?

He says that’s much better, and he will let me live for a little while longer… but don’t piss him off… buy the book. The life you save may be my own…