Look, I am fully aware that I am now just using this ‘war’ as an excuse to recycle a bunch of my old pictures and art and Photoshop stuff. But I am having fun with it, and I promise I will get back to messing with her…

Just as soon as I finish reliving my days as a world-famous model…

Now you all know I am old. In fact, I am so old that some of my early modeling career took place in ancient Rome, where I did the cover shot for Sexy Centurions of the Legion…

I think that picture of me is still carved on a victory column in the Roman Forum.

I did a spread for Swashbuckler Monthly…

That actor stole my look and turned it into a succesful movie franchise, but I am not bitter.

I did a recruiting poster during the English civil war… yes, I know that Americans tend to ignore history that happens in other places, but the English did have a civil war too…

I actually posed for the very first version of a picture which later became famous. This was way back during our Revolutionary War, and later, the artist who painted the version that became the most famous managed to make me look like a completely different person…

I did a lot of modeling work during our civil war. I was so popular that I worked for both sides and no one got angry about that. I would like to see one of today’s ‘supermodels’ get away with something like that…

If you look closely at that last picture, you will see that they used my head more than once. That is how popular my head used to be.

I notice they did the same thing with that picture too. Shouldn’t I get paid more when they do that? Oh well, despite what some people think, the South lost that war, so the money wouldn’t be worth anything now anyway. I was, however, one of the first models to take advantage of a brand new invention, the camera…

And not long after the war, I did a photo shoot for the Treasury Department…

At the last minute they decided to go with the faces of famous people instead of incredibly handsome people. I think that is a loss that we can all still feel today.