I have tried begging, manipulation, trickery, and seduction, all to get you people to go back and read this blog from the beginning, which is the only way it makes any sense.
None of those things have worked… (well, three or four people went back and read it, but I obviously need to work on my seduction technique)…
So I went back and copied an old post that I am particularly proud of.
Just start reading, and see if you can figure out what it is before you get to the middle…
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Dear Sirrah,
Still no appetite for thy heinous concoction doth my tongue construe to desire.
Neither hither nor yon would’st such tinted and perhaps tainted fare present itself less foully to my palate.
I dislike the notion of consuming such victuals even within mine own dwelling, whereas being attended by a rodent during the course of such a repast seems ill-bethought.
Likewise did the fox seem poorly put upon when I did but seek to inquire if he would care to join me in a supper of such surpassingly unusual colour. And as for my retiring to the confinement of a box of suitable size to permit, whilst I did find the quietude fortuitous to composing verse, methinks it did but little to render my dislike of the plate placed before me into a true liking.
Forsooth, I am far beyond the age where dining on a tree branch seems practicable.
I knoweth not of this ‘train’ of which thou spake, but I doth contend that verily, no such conveyance of the future would do more to commend such a dastardly meal to mine stomach than any of thine other recommendations, and as for supping in inclement weather, would’st thou indeed have me catch my death of consumption in such a manner?
Nor would’st consuming them upon the oaken deck of yon sturdy boat enhance the virtues of said ghastly repast. And whilst questioning thy advice to devour them in the presence of a barnyard animal, their taste would be to me no more appealing were said goat well nigh at hand.
In short, my good Sir Samuel, I still but belikest me little of thy offering of eggs and ham the colour of foliage. Nor does the prospect of swallowing any foodstuffs that do take on such hues as might be seen amongst the hills and vales of Ireland suite my fancy. Green, I bethink me, ’tis a far more becoming colour than it is a flavour.
Therefore I sadly restate my refusal to partake of thee thy kindly rendered invitation to sup with thee on this particular dish.
Though I take thee at thy word that the verdant overtones of this repast is due not to rot nor rancidness, still do I pray of thee, tempt me not further upon this course. I liketh me not this breaking of my fast with eggs and ham whose visage is thus despoiled.
your obedient servant, W. Shakespeare.
year of our Lord, 1602
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So there you have it. Quite simple, really. All I ask of you is to be able to imagine an alternate reality where Dr. Seuss’ lovable yet pushy Sam I Am is running around trying to coax real people into trying green eggs and ham, and he just happens to run into a famous playwright. Obviously I could have done the whole thing as a sonnet instead of a simple reply letter, but there are copyright laws to consider. Besides, it was already done in verse in the original.
Once again, welcome to my world…
Pouring My Art Out 
i can’t seem to reply to your last comment on our thread from here because i can’t find the reply button, and i can’t do it from my comment drop down list because it’s too near the bottom of the page and i can’t see what i’m writing……so i’m continuing from here…..yes i am brilliant……and i’m a big fan of the writing of the nineteenth century; i’d more often than not rather use ten words where one would be sufficient
Well, it works for you.
Dear pmao,
You’re not begging again, are you?
Love Dotty xxx
Maybe.
you’re quite the ‘read my work’ slut aren’t you?! and i’m sure you could be done under the trades description act for the ‘which is the only way it makes any sense’ lie – i mean line…..
i’ve decided to do a little bit of burning both ends of the candle….you and dotty are quite insatiable and i feel i could be missing out on such wonderfully topical things; like old volcano head next door
Everything is connected, and we are all as one. Reading is often reciprocated when one has time, and is so moved. Brilliant comments are the bait in the trap.
That read my work slut comment is not age appropriate for this blog, but you are right. I am indeed self centered enough to think my stuff is worth reading, and just because people showed up later, they shouldn’t miss out. Also, I made the mistake of being interesting right from the start, before I had followers. I could have done what some people do and flounder around for a few months until I get people to notice me, and then start being entertaining, but I got restless. Or I could just recycle all my old stuff slowly to the front like other people sometimes do. I did it once. On top of that, I have an agenda, which is to get my novel published, and high hits means an opening. So I am not going to let pride stand in my way…
But mostly, I just love a good running gag. If you read all my manipulation posts, in order, you see that I am very up front about my shamelessness.
apologies for the comment; won’t happen again
it’s quite refreshing: we know what we’re getting with you mr ronseal; modesty and shame in abundance, and if you can’t help but be constantly interesting then people are gonna miss out sadly……i do some of my funniest stuff on the loo, but i’m loathe to have an audience…
I need to know more about you. You have the most unusual way of using words.
why thank you; and feel free to ask me anything, i can always plead the fifth
Where are you from, in rough geographical terms… I don’t need your address.
europe……england, i’m originally from brighton on the south coast, and now live in cheshire, next to north walesish
OK, now we are getting some place. And what is your rough age bracket… just so I can complete the survey…
between twenty-nine and thirty-one usually
You have a way of saying things that are so deep and convoluted, combined with a huge vocabulary, that some of it goes right over my head. And you play with sentence structure and punctuation in ways that sometimes makes it seem as if you were translating from another language. Sometimes you seem younger than you really are, and sometimes you seem much older. Did that make sense without sounding too much like a jerk?
couldn’t’ve wished for a better analysis….if i have an aim whenever i sit down and write something; that’s essentially it, but it’s never been really tested until i started this blog……thank you very much
No one can doubt that you are brilliant… brilliant and quirky. I know what it is. You type like you come from an earlier time, like the reign of Queen Victoria maybe. No offense.
I once tried writing iambic pentameter. I’m not even sure if I spelt pentameter correctly. It’s that difficult.
This was still enjoyable and creative.
Thank you muchly.
I already read that.
I know you did. So did about 3 other people…
lol 😉
Never go wrong with Green Eggs and Ham. Wonder how good a Rapper the Bard would’ve been?
He would bust a move… and a rhyme…
ha!
I wasn’t smart enough to figure out what it was until you said what it was. I felt kind of, oh I don’t know… stupid. How could I not figure that out.
Now you know how I feel when I play your Jeopardy game. Do more military history. I am good at that.
I have no say in the matter. It’s just whatever is on tv that day. Maybe today. We’ll see.
You should make up fake questions and answers… see how long it takes people to notice. That could be funny…
Yes it would be funny. Hilarious, even. But… Those Jeopardy fan people can be VICIOUS! They’ll send you hate mail even if you spell a word wrong. They’re such fanatics. If I were to post a fake question and pass it off as the real thing they’d probably send out some kind of egghead posse to hunt me down.
Call it Jipardy…
Now that’s ingenious!
Like my new watch, it is a genuine Rolax
🙂 That’s a good spin. I like it!
Thank you, but I still feel like I cheated.