If you haven’t read my entire blog… (and you know you haven’t…sigh)…, there are a couple facts that you should be aware of.

First, I am a mathematical ignoramus. I am all art side of the brain. I don’t even have my multiplication tables memorized. But that didn’t stop me from doing a little calculator work for this next piece.

The other thing you should know is that this blog is an attempt to put everything I have ever written, drawn, painted, carved, sung, Photoshopped, or whatever the art form, into a single mixed jumble, glued loosely together with a rambling story line of my crazy life. Every so often, I dig through the drawers and boxes of old stories, poems, songs, notes, cartoons, pictures and whatnot, and randomly pull out a nugget from my past. This is one of those times.

Even though I hate numbers with a passion, I once became fixated momentarily on statistics, simply because someone… (I think it was a mattress commercial)… reminded me of that interesting fact that we all spend one third of our lives in bed. Wow, I remember thinking to my self, that is twenty years even if you only live to be sixty. I started to play with the numbers on a calculator, and this is what I came up with.

I used a 60 year life-span even though most of us live longer than that, because it averaged out things like the fact that you drive a car and get a job later in life.

So, once again from my Drawers of Mystery, I bring you;

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More fun facts for the mathematically challenged…

(or)… I must be a sadomathochist…

I feel like a number.

If you live a mere 60 years, here are some interesting statistics;

60 years = 21,900 days- 525,600 hours- 31,536,000 minutes- and 1,892,160,000 seconds!

So if you sleep for one third of that, it adds up to 20 years = 7,300 days- 175,000 hours- 10,500,000 minutes- 630,000,000 seconds.

If you eat three meals per day, average 35 bites per meal, and average 10 chews per bite, in 60 years that would be; 65,700 meals, or 2,299,500 bites, or 22,995,000 chews.

If you only watch 1 hour of TV per day, (a low average, I suspect)… in 60 years you watched 21,900 hours of TV… But here is the thing. I figured out that there are 42 minutes of show and 18 minutes of commercials per average hour, with an average of thirty commercials per hour, so your 21,900 hours of TV = 657,000 commercials.

If you wash 25 dishes per day, that is 547,500 dishes.

5 pieces of laundry per day adds up to 109,500 smelly chores to get to.

You also brushed your teeth 65,700 times, (which adds up to 2,102,400 teeth, if you are lucky)…

You put on at least 43,800 shoes, (if you have 2 feet and you are not Emelda Marcos)… and took them all off again. (Women, you may need to do your own math on this one).

Even if you only blink an average of 10 times per minute, that is 600 blinks per hour, or 14,400 per day, or 5,256,000 times per year. That is 315,360,000 blinks in just 60 years.

If you go to the bathroom an average of 5 times per day, that is 1,825 trips a year, or 109,500 times in your 60 year life. If you spend an average of 2 minutes per visit, over 60 years you spent  3, 650 hours, or 219,000 minutes sitting on the pot. That is 152 days of your life. And that is just ‘business’ minutes, not showers, teeth, grooming, etc.

If you have a kid, and they go through an average of 5 diapers per day for about 2 years, that is 3,650 diapers… per child.

Work It Out… If you work 22 days per month for 40 years at 8 hours per day, that is 10,560 days, or 84,400 hours, or 5,068,800 minutes… Well, you get the idea…

Now let’s compare this with the amount of time you have something really wonderful happen…

How many times have you;

Bought a brand-new car?

Bought a yacht?

Been to a foreign country?

Won the Lotto?

Fulfilled a fantasy?

Smelled a flower and kissed a baby… (in the same day)?

Gotten a standing ovation?

Had a surprise party thrown for you?

Been the guest of honor?

Had a policeman stop you to thank you for driving safetly?

Gotten lucky twice in the same day?

Gone up in a hot air balloon?

Been told you look really good?

Been really and truly in love?

On the other hand, how many times have you been cut off in traffic, been flipped off, been tailgated, had a bad song stuck in your head, waited in line, or done something impressively stupid?

(I didn’t have the heart to do the numbers for how long we all spend in traffic)…

I leave you with some random number facts, just to lighten the mood…

The largest living animal, the blue whale, craps 3 tons (minimum) per day, or 2% of its body weight.

Swallowing muscles are so powerful, they force food through the pharynx at 25 feet per second.

The average human heartbeat is 72 to 80 beats per minute, or 42,075,904 per year, or 3 billion in a lifetime.

Human baby hair grows an average of 1/3 of a  millimeter per day.