One of the best things about being Supreme Ruler Of All The Known Universes… (a position I acquired mostly due to low voter turnout, I freely admit)… is that I can create my own international holidays… (I should warn you that your boss might not have gotten the memo yet, so don’t blame me if you get in trouble for taking the day off)…

Today is now ‘International Be Horrible To White Men Day’!!!

Here are things you can do to celebrate this special day… (uh, as long as you aren’t actually an adult Caucasian male… because this day is going to suck for them):

Enslave a white man, and put him to work doing whatever you need done for absolutely no pay.

Go into a white man’s house, plant a flag, and kick him out… or just kill him… preferably with smallpox, if you have any handy.

Lynch a white man… (if this seems a little too drastic, feel free to just make him drink from a separate water fountain or ride in the back of a bus).

Make him do the same job as you, but pay him less.

Tell him to go into the kitchen, take off his shoes, and make you a sandwich… preferably while he is pretending to be pregnant by duct taping a 50 pound bag of dog food to his stomach .

If you are policeman of any other race than the Caucasian race, or any sex other than male, please, by all means, feel free to gun down as many white men in the streets as you can.

If all of those seem like too much work, just treat white men with contempt, call them insulting names, demean them, and push them to the margins of society… or at the very least, be smug and condescending to them.

Okay, people, get out there and make me proud… you know those bastards deserve it.

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***** (Author’s Note)*****

I am in no way advocating doing any of these things, nor am I making light of them. This is a tongue-in-cheek attempt to start a serious conversation about race in modern life, and how we all relate to one another. Sometimes, to make a point, you have to step back and look at things from the other person’s point of view. If this post upset you, I apologize. If it made you laugh, I am gratified. If it made you think… I hope you leave a comment to get the discussion going.

Now, while I wait to see how much trouble I am in, I think I will go back to doing funny pictures where I Photoshop my face onto monkeys.