Nobody ever looked good in a 1970’s adult film-star mustache… Not even adult film stars… In the 1970s…

Avoid this look at all costs… Believe me, I am a student of history, and Adolf would have been lucky to get a job serving beer in a Bavarian beer hall, let alone leading the beer hall putsch. He took my advice, and just look where it got him.

Even Genghis Kahn could barely pull off this look, although he did come close. He eventually grew the tips out, twirled them to make them pointy, and managed to look quite terrifying indeed. I believe he also darkened it somewhat, but it is hardly my place to say so.

Saddam didn’t listen to me. He never was one to take advice. He thought it gave him a friendly, Wilford Brimley- sort of a look, and made him seem more approachable. But in the end, he just grew tired of all the upkeep.

Osama too went through a phase of trying to improve his image with the foreign press… (and the ladies)… Needless to say, this plan did not help him particularly in either area.

As far as I am aware, there is only one serious dictator who managed to pull off this look…

(And even he had to flip the ends up just a bit, to achieve a more whimsical air)

That’s right…

‘Uncle’ Joe Stalin…

Or ‘the man of steel’, as they called him on the set.