A novel, like sex, is a two person enterprise. You need an author and a reader, and done right it should leave both people exhausted and happy. And like sex, I end up doing most of the work…

Bear with me. Let me sweet-talk you a little and you just might find that you not only end up as a willing participant in this endeavor, you may discover yourself eager to join in. I am going to compare the experience of buying my novel with that of making sweet, sweet love.

Oh, I can hear your shock and outrage. I hear you proclaiming that you do not buy sex. Trust me when I tell you that you have never had sex that you didn’t end up paying for in one way or another. Maybe it was just gas for your car, a bottle of wine, some flowers or a movie. Maybe it was dinner or a new shirt. Or perhaps that box of ribbed condoms you stopped to purchase on the way. If you were in too much of a hurry to stop for those, you might soon be paying college tuition for your kid. So get over it. Sex is never free. And it isn’t always that good either.

So that is why I think that I can make the case that buying my book, which costs less than that box of condoms if you get the e-reader version by the way, is at least as good as sex. And I guarantee that you will not catch any diseases from reading it.

To make my point, I am going to compare these two experiences side by side, using black letters for the book part and red letters for the sex part.

Okay, here we go…

——————————

That person you are interested in spent their whole life since puberty preparing to please you, working on their night-moves, so to speak.

I spent my whole life since before puberty having adventures and learning how to dance with words, and I am old, so that is a lot of preparation.

Your little love toy spent perhaps an hour or two at most getting ready for your big romantic evening.

It took me four years to write the four parts of this novel that are finished. So even if you just buy the first part, that is a year of work that went into ensuring your pleasure.

Even the best sex rarely lasts more than a few hours.

It should take you at least twice that long to finish the book, even if you are a really fast reader. But go slow. I want it to be good for you too.

Sometimes that person that you just shared that special intimacy with leaves and then never calls you again.

The next three parts of the novel are already finished, and there are more on the way after that. They will just keep coming and coming. And they will not leave you alone when you are done either. You can keep it forever and snuggle with it every night.

Sex is messy and sweaty.

Reading stimulates the body and mind without all the mess and sweat.

———————————

On top of these points, my novel is funny, and we all know that humor is sexy. And it will take you on an adventure full of excitement and thrills even while you are laughing. If you find a person who can do all that, you better marry them.

My novel will not put naked pictures of you on the internet or spread vicious rumors about you. There is no guilt or shame or remorse. It doesn’t ask for a commitment that you aren’t ready for. And if you want to loan it to other people, go right ahead. We don’t mind a little book swapping. We are very open-minded.

There is one way that buying my novel is not at all like sex. And here it is;

If you were disappointed, if you thought it was just plain bad, I want to hear about it. Come over to my blog anytime and tell me where you think I went wrong.

Oh yeah, baby, lookin’ good…