In order to drum up interest in my novel so that the fact that I get hundreds of comments on my silly Photoshop pictures of Romney and Cheney and nary so much as a whisper on the chapters I post, which will lead perspective publishers to think that my story sucks, I am going to try something new.
Also, if this works, it might lead some of you to think that just maybe you are missing something by not reading the book.
So my idea is this: I am going to do a brief synopsis of what is transpiring in the story right now.
Here goes…
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Our grouchy but loveable hero, Rufus, a janitor in a Western saloon on an alien space station, is leading a band of misfit humans and aliens in an attempt to thwart a gang of ruthless pirates who hijacked a space cruise liner and took hundreds of hostages. Only it turns out that the pirates, ten foot-tall black and gold striped aliens, are really just a bunch of rebellious teenagers whose home planet kicks all the male children off-planet when they hit puberty because it is too hard to babysit their own children, and these kids ended up going on the Pirates of the Caribbean ride at Disneyland while on drugs and sort of got carried away. And they do have real high-tech weapons. And they are desperate. And there might even be more to this part of the story than that when we get a little farther along.
Rufus and his friends, including an alien whose penis is huge and grows out of the top of his head, and a really big slug who has three symbiotic Helper-Friends named Frodo, Gollum and Mr. Toad, and a 15 foot-tall warrior/broccoli guy, and some strange, ghostly wraiths who can feel the emotions of others, and a prince and a baron who are one and a half foot-tall reptiles, as well as a few other assorted beings, just about have the situation in hand… sort of… well, at least no one has been killed yet… when the space station gets a call from the United States Space Ship Obama that they are getting ready to dock and disembark their Marine contingent, and most likely start a shootout that will get many of the hostages, almost-pirates, and would-be rescuers killed. And did I mention that the entire thing is being broadcast live to the entire universe?
I guess I could mention the giant alien Whalepede trampling down the main corridor using his long, sticky tongue to pull himself forward like a winch, resulting in some of our intrepid heroes having to pull the Dick-Head off the tongue in a rather silly tug of war. Or the drunken conversation with the pirates that has some pretty good booty jokes. Or the giant flying pickle that is really a baby multi-dimensional being from an ageless race that creates life in the universes after every Big Bang, and how the people of Earth tried to cut it open due to a misunderstanding. Or the fact that I make fun of the French in chapter three.
And this is all still the first quarter of the book, just so you know.
After this, things just get weird.
Pouring My Art Out 
Yeah you have m pulled in, interested in the read. But where is it on Kindle?
I’ll get there and read it. Its not for the lack of want.
Like evrything in life,, timing is…..
Great idea.. this post.
This is the grand opening. There is no other format. I am posting it as I edit it… with all your help.
You want help proofing it>
With my red pen? 😉
I want you all to help. And tell me how much you love it and how clever I am. It is all part of my plot to go to publishers and say ‘look, the people have spoken’… so even if you don’t read it, go to each chapter and type something like… ‘wow’, or ‘awesome’… or, ‘I couldn’t put my computer down’. Help me become famous. You get free tickets to the movie they will make it inot, and get to meet Brad Pitt.
I’m not sure if you are brilliant or a hopeless romantic?
Can’t I be both?
I barely can read blogs… Books are being shelved for now… But I am really hoping you well with it
My tricks aren’t going to work on everyone. It’s cool.
Yes, but I suspect some of the sadness in your “voice” is true. I can’t blame you. We all want our labors of love to be loved. Have you went and check out people with sci fi blogs? Your target audience? Just a thought
Oh yeah. But once again, the aliens are just there to make fun of the people. It is only sci fi in the most offhand way. It is humor and introspection.
Crike, I still have to read your stuff. It’s not for lack of want – just lack of time! Summary above is enticing. Giant pickles… Frodo and Gollum characters. My kind of book.
It is everyone’s kind of book… just sayin’…
well if that doesn’t work…..try harder
I intend to.
my mind is well and truly blown. I need to read this again
Take your time.