This is an actual test…
It is just one question, with multiple choice answers…
Don’t worry, I promise to grade on a curve…
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Question; The house next door to where you live is going to be available for rent at the end of this month. The owner of this property is an old friend of yours, and has kindly decided to let you help pick who your new neighbors are going to be. Of the following, whom would you most like to end up living next door to?
1. A mass murderer.
2. A crack dealer.
3. A child molester.
4. A man who beats his wife and kids.
5. An alcoholic who likes to drive drunk.
6. A pimp.
7. A porn producer.
8. An arsonist.
9. A rapist.
10. A pedophile.
11. A nazi skinhead.
12. The Grand Imperial Wizard of the Ku Klux Klan.
13. A cult leader.
14. A felon.
15. Dick Cheney… (sorry, I couldn’t help myself).
16. A house full of community college students.
17. A committed and loving married gay couple who will wake you up if your house is on fire, or loan you a cup of sugar when you are baking cookies but don’t have time to go the store, and always say hello to you in the morning when they are out walking their adorable little Pug dog, for whom they always carry plastic bags in case he should have an accident on anyone’s lawn.
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Obviously, this test is a thinly disguised attempt on my part to get you to put the idea of a married gay couple into some sort of rational perspective.
Of all the choices above, of all those stereotypes of people, marriage is legal in every single state in the Union. Except for the last choice, number 17, of course. In some places, they have no choice at all.
Pouring My Art Out 
haha…how about a gay porn producer?…………..
come to think of it im sure there are gay mass murderers,gay crack dealers etc etc…….is dick cheney gay?….haha…….
You are freekin funny today. Dick can’t be gay. They have gone through enough without that. But I need to write a story about a street where all these people live together.
That is funny. But it would have confused people.
I’m leaning toward #17 the porn producer, but I need some more information. Is he a solid dude that will loan me sugar for cookies if I need it?
There is no right answer. Or wrong answer. Let your heart steer you in the right direction… and possibly a future in the moving pictures.
I was going to say the porn producer. Then I remembered a producer is not the same as a director. The gay couple sounds good. They can set me up with their sisters.
Now you are making lemonade.
yip i did distribution for barbi and the whole mattel range…………………..there was a character in one of woodehouses books who had the most ridiculous name ive ever heard…so ridiculous that i cant remember it anymore………it will come to me
I know. I used to remember a bunch of the names, now I barely remember my own.
that last one just ended up in the wrong place somehow……….
It would be awesome if all those people lived on the same block.
I’d have to pick #7. I have my reasons…
As long as one of them isn’t job security… ha!
ummm….
I’m just joking. I would never be a porn star. I am way too insecure. There is a whole lot more to porn than just acting in it. There is a lot of money to be made. Just saying…
I don’t judge porn stars, but I can’t help finding the men who produce it just a little creepy.
I wouldn’t mind the porn producer, it would be a fascinating insight into how things operate, kinda like when you see a show on Food Network in the factory showing how a Twinky is made (Iook at me grasping on too American culture)
I think I’d hate the gay couple next door, they sound too perfect and they’d make me look inferior and other neighbours would bring up the gay couple amongst themselves and would say :
“Which ones, the nice gay couple or the other ones?”
“The nice ones of course”
“Phew, I thought you were going to invite the other ones to the BBQ for a moment”
I went a little over the top on my imaginary gay couple. But I know a lot of couples like that.
Only kidding, I’m just a cat person so the pug thing turned me off them 😉
I gay stereotyped a dog… I feel bad… but here in the states, they do love their little dogs, and Mollie loves pugs, so…
It’s here too with the pocket dogs, I’m a traditionalist and have a cat
How am I going to stereotype people if you keep your pets outside the box? Huh, Joe?
No way, cats are the tradtional pet of choice for a gay man, in Britain anyway.
I am learning a lot of new things. Gay British men love pussy… (sorry, blame that joke on that ‘Are You Being Seved’ show, and the lady with the hair that changes color every time)…
And, on behalf of my country, I would like to apologoze for all those chicken eating mother f&#%*@ers who showed up to support hate. Not always easy to be proud of us.
I don’t blame Americans, we have our share of idiots too. I think they are hilarious, if any industry needs a boost they can just say, support our cause against gay marriage, come buy something from us and off theyg o.
You mean Mrs Slocombe, played by Mollie Sugden, how did you come across that?!
We BBC America… we are not savages on this side of the pond. The young ones, rising damp, waiting for god, top gear and the top gear spin offs, keeping up appearances, as time goes by, we got it all, baby.
And don’t tell us that we can raise sales by being anti-gay, are you trying to start a culture war?
Oh, I also liked that two fat ladies cooking show, jamie oliver, and on and on and on.
All those shows are terrible bar the Young Ones.
As time goes by, dear god!
We are crap at TV
id go for dick….but then im not american and dont folloe american politics so i dont really know why you dislike him so much…but i guess if he lived next door id have the pleasure of calling him dick every day….
There are so many jokes I could make right now…
specially as my name is actually mr allcock…………
I am biting my tounge… tastes like chicken… oh, the irony is killing me.
but my first name is not richard……..my parents didnt have a cruel streak…..although my dads name was william…………
I read an article on funny names once… the best one was this poor German kid whose parents moved to America just before he was born. His last name way hyphenated… Barbi, (Like the famous war criminal Zazi, Claus Barbi)… Dahl… And his parents gave him a nice new American name… Ken.
His name was Ken Barbi-Dahl…
Let me know if you don’t get it because you may not have Barbi dolls in South Africa, but trust me, it’s funny.
i cant help wondering if duetsche ken had a penis?……….i hope i never meet a german by the name of ken as ill not be able to resist asking him now………..
How do you say anatomicly correct in German?
angostemoikalen korrekten?……….
Is that really it?
i seriously doubt it………
Things are just getting out of hand.
I don’t know. I’ve lived next to and been around a lot of gay couples in my day and none of them have remotely resembled the people that you described in no. 17. They’re just as obnoxious and bothersome as straight people. I’d have to go with no. 7, the porn producer. Only because that’s what my friend Larry does and he’s a pretty cool dude.
Ha! An honest man at last!!!
18. PMAO
My answer is 17 & 18, and maybe 16 because they would have some fun parties, I think!
You aren’t fooling anybody… we know you want to live next door to Dick…
The rapist. No. The arsonist. No, no. The pimp. Oh man. NO!! Dang! I don’t know! I don’t want anybody getting mad at me. Am I throwing the curve off? I’m conflicted.
Puh-leese! #17 and good post 🙂
We aims ta please.
I was going to pick the arsonist until I read the entire list.
But isn’t it nice to have the freedom to choose?
LOL…yes, indeed it is. I watched “BRAVE” last night in the theatre and that’s what it was all about. Very powerful movie. You should see it if you haven’t. It’s “for kids” but the graphics and storyline keep even big kids entertained.
With a 13 year old in the house, I have no doubt that we will wee it sooner or later.
Oh…I thought you were joking until I saw your above comment. Is this a test for dummies??? It’s a trick, right? I pick the last one, of course. And I replied to your comment on my post for today but didn’t do it right (and hit the actual ‘reply’ button).
I did not get that reply, but I very much want to.
Oh, oh, oh, I know!! It’s the mass murderer, right? I always see their unsuspecting neighbors say how nice and quiet they are when the weekly news interviews them.
I am sure some of the guys want to pick the porn producer… and a few are for the crack dealer… but we will see how honest people are, if nothing else.
Dear Fishy,
I’m very quiet. Very, very quiet.
Love Dotty xxx
But you do a blog that admits to all your murders. No one will be surprised when you end up on the news.
Dear pmao,
I used to live next door to a family of Jehovah’s Witnesses. I did a post about them trying to steal my garden. They stopped speaking to me when I stuck a big DONATE BLOOD sign in my kitchen window.
Love Dotty xxx
It takes all kinds.
You could have aimed some speakers at their house and played “Can I Get A Witness” on repeat.
Or “All Along The Watchtower”.
Or put landmines in your vegetable patch.
Or eat Oreos and smile at them
Or sit on their porch naked… just sayin’…
Or put a giant statue of a hand in your yard giving them the finger… title it ‘Witness this’.
If I get a vote, I’m going for all along the watch tower…classic…
What about ‘It’s Raining Men’, so we can get back to the topic at hand?
Dear pmao and Edward,
When different Jehovah’s Witnesses came knocking at my door (quite regularly) I asked them where they worshipped and if it was a different church from my neighbours I sent them next door – so the Jehovah’s Witnesses were bothered by Jehovah’s Witnesses. BOSH.
Love Dotty xxx
That is the best thing I ever heard…
Isn’t it supposed to be BOOSH?
And she SCOOOOORRRRES!!! Nothing but net! Well played!
I should have made the test harder.
I cannot express my outrage that marriage is not legal for everyone. Really the state has no business in private contracts, which is exactly what marriage is an private contract. There was a referendum that put gay marriage back on the ballot last election and the papers were full of bloggers representing out of state interests who ran a successful campaign to sway public opinion. It’s shortsighted and mean spirited.
Timely post!
It was my last shot in this war for now.
Wow. Great post. Ummmm, l-e-t …..m-e….t-h-i-n-k…..
LOL. JK. Actually I would sorta kinda like to have the Richard reduced to RENTING a place next to me. That would rock in more ways than one. Just think of all the neighborly things I could do like let my dog doodoo on his front steps every morning, ‘borrow’ his paperboy delivered newspaper every day, TP his yard…the possibilities are endlessly entertaining to imagine. And quite honestly I HAVE lived next door to a houseful of community college students in the past and they generally are pretty good neighbors too. Naturally they get a bad rap for the occasional party but they always invite you too and will usually clean up the puked Jello shots off your lawn the next day.
If you are a fan of making fun of the illustrious Mr. Cheney, I invite you to take a quick scroll through my old posts, where I have done about 30 or 40 horrible things to him, thanks to the magic of Photoshop, and my own wicked thoughts.