What if regular people went job hunting just like presidential candidates…

How cool would it be if, when you went out to get your very first job… or a new job… you could gather donations from people and businesses and spend the money on gas for driving to job interviews… or food and hotels… or even a nice vacation to get you in the job hunting mood… whatever, they hardly ever check to see how the money was spent. I do, however, think that, when you get that dream job flipping burgers, the guys who gave huge donations are going to want free Big Macs.

Oh, but when you do go in for the interview, all the other job seekers are there at the same time, and you all go into a room and try to talk yourself up while insulting the people around you… no… you don’t have to know any facts about them, just make stuff up… and no, you don’t have to know anything about the job you are trying to get… just tell them that you are the best burger flipper in the history of meat, and that you will make Mexico pay for your paper hat and spatula.

And feel free to make TV commercials telling everybody how lame the other job applicants are… and, one again, don’t feel the need to be truthful about it. Hint that they are all not only inept, but are probably foreigners with ties to terrorism… that should make the bosses nervous about letting them mix milkshakes.

It also wouldn’t hurt to travel all over the state before the interview, giving speeches where you make extravagant promises about how you will make the filet-o-fish sandwiches cheaper and faster than they have ever been made, with new secret ingredients that will make them not only better tasting, but actually healthy for you. If anybody has the cajones to ask how, just tell them that you don’t want Burger King to know the secret yet. No, you don’t ever need to actually do any of these things, even if you get the job. Once you have a job, what do you care about filet-o-fish sandwiches? You won’t be eating them. You have a job.

About pouringmyartout

You will laugh at my antics... That is my solemn promise to you... Or your money back... Stop on by...
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10 Responses to What if regular people went job hunting just like presidential candidates…

  1. axiomaticentity says:

    I wouldn’t touch that one with somebody else’s ten foot pole…..

  2. Elyse says:

    This would make a great SNL skit. You should write it up and submit it!

  3. Very funny, Art, and unfortunately, very apt. But you didn’t mention fries. Gotta have fries!

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