Why don’t we try something new… you know… just for a change… and not blow people up… or shoot them… or behead them. As I understand it, your goal is to get people to follow your religion. I am not expert, but it does sort of seem that killing people is a silly way to go about this. The people you kill can’t very well convert to your belief system, can they? And when other people see you killing innocent people just to make a point, it makes them nervous. This is just a bad public relations campaign all the way around.

So maybe you can try something new… just for a while… just to mix it up a little… just to see if maybe you really can get more people to listen to you without having to kill them.

What about this… try going door to door selling cookies…

I might have just suggested going door to door to spread the word of your faith, but that would make you too much like those other religious nuts who do that… and everybody hates those people. If, on the other hand, you sell them some tasty cookies at the same time, it will put them in the mood to listen. Maybe you could include little pamphlets in each box of cookies explaining to people why yours is the only one true god… it might work.

I suppose you could also try bake sales… or opening soup kitchens or medical clinics for the poor. Or almost anything that doesn’t involve killing people. What do you say?

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*** Dear NSA agent who is reading this… I swear this is just a joke, and I am in no way trying to actually be useful to any terrorist movement… although really, if they did take this advice, would that be such a bad thing?***