I was hoping that the title would get your attention because there wont be any pretty pictures to go with this next part. So far I have done a pretty good job of clearing out my random Photoshop pics and tying them in with the story line. But I really do have drawers (and boxes) full of… not so much crap, but rather the hand-written ramblings of my fevered brain going back to my adolescence.
This piece, which I just reached in and grabbed without looking, is a fair example. It is only a few years old. I will let you read it without explaining it first. See if you can figure out what it is supposed to be before you get to the end. Just go with it… What’s the worst that could happen?
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Dear Sirrah,
Still no appetite for thy heinous concoction doth my tongue construe to desire.
Neither hither nor yon would’st such tinted and perhaps tainted fare present itself less foully to my palate.
I dislike the notion of consuming such victuals even within mine own dwelling, whereas being attended by a rodent during the course of such a repast seems ill-bethought.
Likewise did the fox seem poorly put upon when I did but seek to inquire if he would care to join me in a supper of such surpassingly unusual colour. And as for my retiring to the confinement of a box of suitable size to permit, whilst I did find the quietude fortuitous to composing verse, methinks it did but little to render my dislike of the plate placed before me into a true liking.
Forsooth, I am far beyond the age where dining on a tree branch seems practicable.
I knoweth not of this ‘train’ of which thou spake, but I doth contend that verily, no such conveyance of the future would do more to commend such a dastardly meal to mine stomach than any of thine other recommendations, and as for supping in inclement weather, would’st thou indeed have me catch my death of consumption in such a manner?
Nor would’st consuming them upon the oaken deck of yon sturdy boat enhance the virtues of said ghastly repast. And whilst questioning thy advice to devour them in the presence of a barnyard animal, their taste would be to me no more appealing were said goat well nigh at hand.
In short, my good Sir Samuel, I still but belikest me little of thy offering of eggs and ham the colour of foliage. Nor does the prospect of swallowing any foodstuffs that do take on such hues as might be seen amongst the hills and vales of Ireland suite my fancy. Green, I bethink me, ’tis a far more becoming colour than it is a flavour.
Therefore I sadly restate my refusal to partake of thee thy kindly rendered invitation to sup with thee on this particular dish.
Though I take thee at thy word that the verdant overtones of this repast is due not to rot nor rancidness, still do I pray of thee, tempt me not further upon this course. I liketh me not this breaking of my fast with eggs and ham whose visage is thus despoiled.
your obedient servant, W. Shakespeare.
year of our Lord, 1602
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So there you have it. Quite simple, really. All I ask of you is to be able to imagine an alternate reality where Dr. Seuss’ lovable yet pushy Sam I Am is running around trying to coax real people into trying green eggs and ham, and he just happens to run into a famous playwright. Obviously I could have done the whole thing as a sonnet instead of a simple reply letter, but there are copyright laws to consider. Besides, it was already done in verse in the original.
Or maybe, just maybe, I will revisit this project some day.
Once again, welcome to my world…
Pouring My Art Out 
Ok. I only read the first few lines so far, and I want to make a guess before I continue any further. I have no way to prove that I didn’t cheat (assuming I’m right), but maybe you’ll trust me on this.
Is it “Green Eggs and Ham” written in an Elizabethan style?
w00t! I was right! ::does a little victory dance::
Ok. I must go now, but I will return. Oh, yes. I will return… FROM THE FUTURE. Mwah-hahahaHA!
coolio
Even more specific than that, but yes…
How I love this… let me count the ways… later.
what’s that supposed to mean exactly?
That’s for me to know…
Yeah, but do you even know?
Of course I know! Why would I say I know if I didn’t know? That would be lying and I don’t lie…
And the crack squirrels…
Of course.
Of course indeed.
One of them just bit me! !!
spam… and sorry…
Oooo! This was indeed a good one! The Dr. is an absolute favorite of mine and getting it all jazzed up with Willy makes it rock. Forsooth, good man! The teeming masses demand more!
Thanks so much.
See those texts books were no waste at all (Teenage Wateland,The Who )
Very creativily done and your title worked it will bring masses and you are not cheating.
I like taht you are reblogging your blog, taht you have stuck with it. Although i do not comment on everything i read I read more than I comment on.
‘
huh? 😉
When I did all these posts originaly, I had about 100 hits. I didn’t even know what that meant. I may have had 10 followers at the most. I am glad for the chance to start over, as it were.
its a great idea i may use it to some degree.
All my ideas are great… to some degree. Ha.
Reblogged this on Pouring My Art Out and commented:
I am very proud of this little piece…
Clever! I got it here: In short, my good Sir Samuel, I still but belikest me little of thy offering of eggs..
I like this one! And your Shakespeare isn’t too shabby either. Nicely done.
I did that post twice. The only time I have resorted to doing that. I like it.
i’m starting to feel like a stalker……muchly yay this liketh i
You read that one. I love you man. I did it early, before I had many followers, and I have been trying to recycle it somehow. That one cracks me up. No idea where it came from at all.
i thought it was great; maybe you should try channelling another one for dr seusspeare day, i think it’s next week some time
at my last job where i had actual colleagues with whom i had actual contact, i used to write stuff like that; little piss takes about the bosses and underlings based on the things they’d done and written….i used to spend ages chuckling to myself….they found it funny too which was a bonus
For some reason I can’t tell which posts you are responding to… it is all out of context…
Dear pmao,
Yay! I liketh this muchly.
Love Dotty xxx
Somebody looked at my Shakespeare post… yay… I was proud of that one.