Have you ever thought about what it would have been like if Jesus had been a republican?

In the first place, you can forget all about that feeding the poor and healing the sick crap! We all know that republican Jesus would have been against any kind of health care that people couldn’t pay for themselves. And no way should anybody have to help all those losers and takers and users… stupid poor people…

And of course because the Roman Empire… which was really just a big corporation when you stop and think about it… would have to be treated with the same respect and legal rights as a person, that would have made it unlikely that Jesus would have ever preached anything seditious… which would have meant that he never would have been crucified… which sort of makes his role in the Bible a lot less interesting.

The thing is… oh, you knew there would be a thing is this post, didn’t you… there is the hilarious irony that Jesus would have been really bummed NOT to have been tortured and executed… because… you know… the republicans have deemed torture to be a necessary and useful fact of life… and they are strongly in favor of the death penalty…

Okay… I could go on… but the crack squirrels are laughing too loud in my head and it makes it hard to concentrate…

 

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About pouringmyartout

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21 Responses to Have you ever thought about what it would have been like if Jesus had been a republican?

  1. Paul says:

    Ha! Ain’t it the truth. You know i am convinced that if Jesus , just as he was when he was preaching, wandered into a modern church he’d fiind his ass on the sidewalk after receiving the bum’s rush. Remember he was a rebel in his time and it was dangerous – we’re pretty much about conformity – and if you don’t believe it try making waves in a church and see where you end up. Makes the Pharisees look like friendly guys accepting of change. Ha! i have a great post about that floating around in my head – i should write it down.

    Cool post Art/

  2. Dan says:

    What do you mean…IF? 😀

  3. Nice. How I envy you writers who aren’t afraid to be political.

  4. NotAPunkRocker says:

    Ok, this post reminds me of this image, which I haven’t bothered incorporating into anything else yet:

  5. Doobster418 says:

    Food for thought, Arthur. And that reminds me, I’m hungry.

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