The last Inner View… Part 2.

Here they are, from another dimension… sitting in my living room… Arthur’s Avengers! I am the first human in this reality to meet actual aliens, let alone have a chance to interview them. I guess I should start out by introducing them all.

I am going to add a few pictures to show you what some of them look like. Bear in mind that I did these pictures based on my imagination, what I thought they looked like when I was first reading the books, so they aren’t exactly right.

Okay, here they are:


1. Candybar Venezuela… She is a human, and she is a waitress at The Saloon At The Edge Of Everywhere, the Texas bar on the alien space station where this adventure began.

2. A Qualm… He, uh, it, is an alien that can pick up emotions from other living creatures. They have sort of a group mind and talk to each other telepathically. (Wow, he really does look like a helium balloon floating around covered with thin, blue veils, but with a face like a writing plate of spaghetti).

a book Qualm

(I know, that is two Qualm… so sue me)

3. Ssseeeet… He is a Muccassim, or as humans call them, a Giant Slug. He does look exactly like a very big slug. He can’t speak, but he communicates by wiggling his eye stalks. He lives in a symbiotic relationship with members of three other races, the Helper-Friends:

4. Mr. Toad… He is a Helper-Friend, the Brain-Friend. He translates for Ssseeeet, and helps him remember stuff. He is blue, and about one and a half-feet-tall.

a book toad

5. Frodo… He is the Hand-Friend of Ssseeeet. He looks like a hairless, four-armed monkey. He is three feet-tall. He carries stuff for Ssseeeet, who has no arms of hands.

6. Gollum… He is the Scout-Friend of Ssseeeet. He is three feet-tall, pale green, and has big, luminous eyes. He really does look like Gollum from the Lord of the Rings. I can see why the other me gave him that name.

7. VarnTa… He is a Stleeb. Humans sometimes call them Dick-heads. It is rude, but also accurate. He does indeed have his penis growing out of the top of his head and hanging back like a ponytail… a really long ponytail. He looks a lot like a human, except for the fact that his knees bend the other way from ours, he wears no clothes, he has very large testicles on his chest that look a little like human female breasts (the other Arthur calls them ‘chesticles’), and he has a really big penis growing out of the top of his head.

8. The Prince…

9. The Baron… They are both of the Tribes of Taaleem, or Bats, as they are called. They are about two feet-tall. They also worked at the saloon.

a book bat

(I know, that is only one Bat… sorry)

10. Gup… He is a Morlan. He is blue and not too tall. He has a boney forehead ridge. He really does look like a generic alien from the first Star Trek series. He is master of anything technological. He was a comm tech on the Hub.


Okay, so these aren’t all of the beings who got drawn into the adventures in the first two books. I guess the space ship could only hold so many people, or they had jobs to do, or whatever.

And it now occurs to me that I have spent so long introducing people, that if I start the interview now, it will be too long to post. So I will post this, and start the interview in the next post.


About pouringmyartout

You will laugh at my antics... That is my solemn promise to you... Or your money back... Stop on by...
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18 Responses to The last Inner View… Part 2.

  1. Trent Lewin says:

    ‘Writhing’ plate of spaghetti, by the way?

    I want Candybar photos! I say photoshoot of her in some exotic locale.

  2. Trent Lewin says:

    Dude, are you using names from Lord of the Rings? I know you’re a bit on the dorky side, but even full dorks don’t mess with IP lawyers.

  3. El Guapo says:

    Sheesh! It’s like you’re trying to sabotage me from reading the book!
    (any further thoughts on epub yet?)

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