Wow! I am so honored to have you all as guests in my home. I know you came a long way to be here, like from another dimension…
Mr. Toad- We are very happy to be here. We did have to travel a long way. In our own reality, we work in San Francisco now. But to get to this dimension, we had to take a ship into space, travel quite a long way to use the… uh, gate… I guess I shouldn’t talk about that now. I know many of your readers have not gotten to that part of the story.
Well, none of them have, because I have only gotten two of the books published, and the second one just came out, so the only part of the story any of them know is the part about the alien pirates which is where the whole thing began.
Frodo- I like your nice doggy.
Thanks, her name is Shiloh.
The Prince- Does your mother live in the Bay Area in this dimension? We have been to her house in our reality. Lovely woman. She keeps Arthur, our Arthur, well in hand.
Yes, my mom lives in the Bay Area. From the books, she sounds just like my mom, and the house sounds just like the one I know. So I guess it wouldn’t do any good to ask any of you if you have read my blog, because the other Arthur doesn’t have a blog where you all live.
Mr. Toad- I took the trouble of reading it while you were using the restroom. Most amusing.
You read all of it while I was taking a leak? There are thousands of posts… oh, right… you a Brain Helper.
Candybar- I looked at some of the pictures, but he was scrolling through them so fast. Um, you know you keep glancing at VarnTa’s penis.
I know… I’m sorry about that. I’m just not used to seeing anyone that his penis growing out of the top of his head.
VarnTa- Don’t worry about it. I am used to it. You humans have a very immature outlook when it comes to nudity. Lots of alien cultures do not bother to wear clothing. It never fails to amaze me how worked up some of you get.
Sorry. One of my favorite parts of book one was where Arthur was able to tell when you had a good poker hand by the way the excitement would cause extra blood flow, and your, uh, penis, would start to sway. He said you had a good poker face, but a bad poker penis.
VarnTa- Yes, well, he can’t use that trick anymore. I have learned to control it.
So you guys still all get together to play poker? That is what you were doing when the pirates showed up on the Hub.
Candybar- Arthur likes his time off. He is good with ideas, but he doesn’t really… ummm…
Think them through? Yeah, we are exactly the same when it comes to that.
The Baron- Your daughter, Mollie is a delightful young human.
Gollum- Yes. It is good that she was home today. I don’t know what that ‘professional growth day’ her school has is, but it is good to meet her.
Yeah, Mollie is a good kid. I remember you made friends with a human girl named Molly, the one who escaped from the pirates.
Gollum- Yes, she was also 14 years-old. I love human kids. They aren’t so huge as you grownups, and they are much more fun.
The Qualm- I can feel the joy in her heart. She radiates warmth, like a star!
Ha! Mollie, are you blushing? I bet you never thought you would have your emotions felt by an empathic alien.
The Prince- Our Arthur is not married, and has no children. It is a shame, in a way. He would make a good parent.
Candybar- He would, wouldn’t he? He is so weird, but he does love kids.
Ssseeeet, I am sorry that I had to lay down the plastic drop cloths, but if my wife comes home and finds the house full of slime trails…
Mr. Toad- He says he is quite used to it, and does not take offence. The other Arthur does the same thing when we visit your, uh, his mother’s house.
Gup- I must get myself that Photoshop program when we return to our dimension. It seems like that would be fun. Do you mind if I work on your computer for a few minutes. It is so primitive, but I could make it much faster and more effective.
That would be awesome. Can you wait until the interview is over?
The Qualm- You are having fun, Arthur. But the rest of your feelings and emotions are racing around like wild animals. You are very like the other Arthur.
That is so weird. So you can’t actually read minds, right? You just pick up what we are feeling?
The Qualm- Yes, but you are hard to keep up with. One minute, you are thinking about how pretty Candybar is, then you are proud of your child, then you are happy about talking to us, then you are thinking about your blog. You think about your blog a lot, I think.
Uh, yes, well…
Frodo- Can Mollie and I go out in the yard and play with the dog?
Sure, that would be great.
The Baron- I will go too. I would like to look at your flowers.
Okay. So, Mr. Toad, is it true that brain-Friends never forget anything?
Mr. Toad- Presumably, but that would be difficult to answer conclusively. How does one remember if one has forgotten something?
That’s a good point. Uh, Gup, please don’t take my TV apart.
Gup- I can make it better, I…
The Qualm- You are making him nervous.
It is hard to think up questions to ask that won’t give away parts of the story to people who might want to read it. Candybar, are you dating anyone?
Candybar- That nice young Lieutenant from the U. S. S. S. Obama asked me out, but it hasn’t happened yet. The Obama had to go to another system on some kind of aid mission.
Is it true you got your name because your mother was so poor that she basically sold you to some Catholic nuns in Venezuela for a candy bar?
Candybar- As far as I know, yes. I was raised in an orphanage.
I am adopted. I guess the other Arthur is too, as I recall.
The Prince- You were very lucky to be adopted by such a fine family.
I can’t argue with that.
Mr. Toad- I just read the murder mystery you wrote, the one set in world war two London. Very well done. I like the ending. I never would have guessed that…
Whoah, don’t give away the ending. I am going to see if I can get that self published all by myself, so I don’t have to keep waiting for my older daughter to do it for me. She is so busy. Then I could also get the rest of your story printed much sooner.
Mr. Toad- There are a few spelling and grammatical errors, I could fix them for you.
Thanks, but I have some blog friends editing it for me. It is sort of an experiment.
Gollum- I would like to read it. Maybe we can come back some day.
You are all welcome, whenever you like. Uh, I do have some laundry and stuff to get done.
The Prince- Yes, we should probably be going, but it is too bad we will not be able to meet your wife.
Well, she hasn’t read the books, and she doesn’t really like science fiction. And she thinks I just made the whole thing up. It might be sort of hard to explain to her why our house is full of aliens.