Our next contestant on this strange interview journey is a brand new friend, and I know absolutely nothing about her blog: http://chowanyau.wordpress.com/ But from her interview, I know she is funny and a little mysterious. And even though she is not a fan of monkeys, I think we should all get to know her.
Here is the interview.
1. What do you like best about my blog?
Oops that would mean I’d have to read it and come up with some clever comment; seeing as we’ve just met don’t you think it’s a bit quick for that level of inter-action.
(Things move fast around here, but I admire you for not faking a good answer just to get on my good side)
2. Do you like monkeys?
No can’t say l do. They scare me. Love elephants though especially the baby ones top the cute chart.
(Lucky for you, but in that children’s book I did, I painted a picture of an adorable baby elephant with a monkey riding on it… so I will let that one go… but you wouldn’t be afraid of my monkeys)
3. If you won a free, month-long trip to Paris, but each day for one hour you had to stand under the Eifel Tower naked, would you still go?
No. Paris is over-rated. I might consider it for a more exotic location with gorgeous toyboys flanking me and it’d have to be somewhere warm near the sea.
(You get bonus points for making fun of the French, and for a good answer that will have all the guys wondering how they can get a job as a toyboy)
4. What makes your blog unique?
(Extra points for a good sense of self-worth that might even be bordering on egotism… because I have that too!!!)
5. If you were in charge of the universe, what is the first order you would issue?
Get rid of lying bastards who break a gal’s heart and just to uphold equal opportunity bitches too. Send them to their personal hell no appeal no parole for good behavior or remorse.
(Well, we all break a heart or two, but I agree, there is a proper way to do it, and there is a million wrong ways, and they should be made to pay… I mean, hell might be a little harsh, but hey, we put you in charge, so…)
6. What is the most embarrassing thing that ever happened to you?
Wetting myself in a lift desperately trying to get back to my hotel room when I had a urine infection in Cape Town.
(More bonus points for real honesty… and you aren’t the first person to have a problem like this on the Inner View show… and eeeeewwww…. sorry… that just came out… uh… so to speak)
7. Would you rather spend the day with an adult, a kid, or a baby?
A kid because they are honest and come out with the funniest of things and the most profound. They have yet to learn to put on a mask and pretend to be someone else.
(Now I am liking you a lot)
8. What, in your opinion, is the worst thing that Dick Cheney ever did?
Don’t know but I know the worst thing Bush senior and junior did, waging war and lying about the reason.
(Well, Dick helped them with that, and made a lot of money doing it, so good answer)
9. What is the worst thing that you ever did?
Marry my ex
(Umm… you married him before he was your ex, right???)
10. If you could have dinner with one fictional character… including cartoons… who would you pick?
The mad hatter cos he’d be a kindred spirit.
(Oh, you would love going out to dinner with me then… I am just like that guy)
11. If you were locked in a room with a knife, a barbecue, and a living cow, would you die of starvation before you could bring yourself to kill and eat the cow?
Yes, but the cow is more likely to eat me first.
(I am not sure you know exactly how these cow things work)
12. What one word describes your blog best?
(I believe you… unless you are just lying… but honestly, I am getting the idea that you are a very honest person)
13. Is there one celebrity that you would leave your family for if they declared their undying love for you?
(That sounds like you didn’t even have to think about it… you know, I stole his hat… the pirate one… just sayin’)
14. If I got my hands on a photo of you and did funny things to you in Photoshop for a whole week, but you had no input into what I actually did to you, and I posted everything I did, would you be okay with that? And can I have a picture of you?
Yes and no. I trust the artist not the man.
(Uh… many artists are men… seriously, that is so deep I don’t know what it means… although I blame your ex for most of your distrust of men… and if you stick around here long enough, you will come to trust me… trust me)
15. What makes you cry?
Cruelty and betrayal.
(Your ex really messed you up, didn’t he? I hope you learn to trust men again. Some of my best friends are men… well, a few… I actually have always enjoyed the company of women… they talk about stuff, and have feelings and emotions and stuff… and I like to make them smile… and guys are weird and watch sports and talk about cars and I don’t give a crap about those things)
16. If you could cuss out one famous person, living or dead, who would that be?
Simon Cowell for murdering music and being so smug.
(You are a person who knows what they do and do not like… I like that… I think)
17. Tell me the truth, do you really like me?
The answer is yes, I like funny witty people.
(Well, seeing as we already established the fact that you don’t really know me yet… oh forget it, good answer)
18. What kind of circus trick would you like to be able to do?
Be a contortionist so I can hide in small spaces when I put my foot in it.
(I am going to assume you mean ‘put your foot in your mouth’ and just move on)
19. Which drug side effects from those TV commercials disturb you the most?
(Is that an actual language?)
20. Who the hell do you think you are?
Me? Simply the best
(Be the best you you can be, because nobody else is going do it)
21. Now tell us why we should follow you…
To stop you killing yourself because there is always someone worse off and that’s me.
(Umm… That was either a superb guilt trip or a strangely worded uplifting message to us all… I bet people will visit your blog just to find out which one it was)
> Just for you…
1. Where are you from?
The Pearl of the Orient
(Okay, my Canadian, English and other European minions might know where that is… especially the English ones, because they probably used to run the place… and I think I know where it is, because I am a world traveler and study history, but remember that most Americans can’t find America on a map of the world)
2. Tell us your favorite joke…
Why did the chicken cross the road?
(Oooohhhh… clever… I didn’t say you had to tell us the punch line)
3. If you were stuck on a small island with someone, and they got gangrene in their arm, could you cut that arm off with a small hacksaw to save that person’s life… and would it be easier if it was someone you knew well or someone you hardly knew at all… (And remember to make the answer funny!… No pressure)
No cos I’m a woman and useless with tools and d.i.y. More likely to hack my own arm off. However I’d make an exception for this ex for old times sake, gangrene or not.
(More bonus points for not only managing to squeeze the ex in one more time, but for threatening the loser with dismemberment… good job)
Well, there you go. A brave girl from a far away land opening up her life for you. Pay her a visit. I know I will.