Here is the interview from a good friend of mine. She sort of switched blogs, and now you can find her at: http://feelingpaint.wordpress.com/ She does awesome paintings… and gives them away free. Some of you may know her from the other blog, but if you don’t, it isn’t my place to tell you.
Please give a warm round of applause to… this mysterious Canadian lady…
1. What do you like best about my blog?
It’s like a box of chocolates…
(Yeah… fattening, bad for your teeth, and somebody got there first and ate all the good stuff)
I have two sock monkeys. One stays in my car and occasionally makes appearances through the sun roof. The other one stays at home and does the house work. I would like to have a sock monkey onesie, but I’m waiting for my second hand version to come to me in the mail (hint hint).
(You stole that sun roof idea from me… I do that thing with my ostrich hand puppet… and you are not getting into my monkey feety jammies… that came out wrong… but they are were a Christmas gift from my brother. For those of you who are weird enough to want to see me in my feety jammies… with the size 15 feet, just sayin’… go to the top posts and pages thing in my sidebar and click the one that says: Warning, this post contains some of the most disturbing images you will ever see on a blog, and when I say that, you know it is going to be weird… also, I took the pictures of me and my brothers and nephew in our Christmas jammies and did a whole series of posts about funny pictures of real and made-up people in feety jammies… and some really strange sleepover slumber parties featuring characters from Lord of the Rings and Star Wars… you really need to explore my blog more… you missed some good stuff)
3. If you won a free, month-long trip to Paris, but each day for one hour you had to stand under the Eifel Tower naked, would you still go?
WOULD YOU?! Just think of how many photos I would be in!! My parents still don’t know I got fake boobs…so, I couldn’t use the publicity right now. Maybe when they’re dead. Ask me again in 25 years.
(How do you keep fake boobs a secret from your parents… big sweaters??? And why didn’t I know about them? I thought we were friends. I would have asked questions bout your fake boobs in the bottom part where I ask questions just for you)
4. What makes your blog unique?
I give away paintings for free. Don’t know anybody who does that besides me.
(I sell them real cheap… like five bucks cheap… mostly to poor Canadian women who follow my blog)
5. If you were in charge of the universe, what is the first order you would issue?
I would make complaining illegal. Oh crap, that sucks…do I have to? Right now I’m debating between two consequences: the death sentence and reading a run-on sentence.
(Just combine the two… death for all people who write run-on sentences… please make my death a quick one)
6. What is the most embarrassing thing that ever happened to you?
When I’m asked this question, I usually tell about the time I burst into tears during a job interview and sobbed because I wanted the job so bad (garbage collection agency…), but to be honest, I think the time Nicolas made me laugh so hard I peed my leotard in gymnastics class takes the cake. Most of my embarrassing stories involve pee. (That’s because no one has found all the boogers under my bed yet. Stay tuned.)
(Well, who hasn’t cried over the prospect of a job in waste management??? Are you telling me you didn’t pee yourself when you did this interview? Maybe when you read my comments)
7. Would you rather spend the day with an adult, a kid, or a baby?
Definitely an adult. Preferably a limousine driver. It’s truly the only thing missing in my life right now. Thanks for pouring salt on the deep gaping wound.
(I would love to drive you around in a limo for a day… but I would pack in about 20 babies and little kids with you)
8. What, in your opinion, is the worst thing that Dick Cheney ever did?
Permission to convert this question to a Canadian question. Granted? Thanks. Permission to change this question to a non-political question. Granted? Awesome. Permission to change this to a much better question. Granted? Boo-ya. New question: What, in your opinion is the greatest thing you ever did for the Canadian anthem? Well, thanks for asking Art. I’m so glad you did. Every time I sing the anthem, it is a gift to my country. I’d sing the American anthem, but I don’t know the words, so…
(Ours is the one with rockets and bombs and a battle… this is America, dammit)
9. What is the worst thing you ever did?
I agreed to take stolen property off my grandma’s hands (she says “one of the boys did it.”) I hung it on the wall in my son’s bedroom. It was a stop sign. Eventually, I felt so guilty, I contacted the Transportation department in the city, confessed, and offered to pay for it. He told me to keep the sign because it had likely been replaced (it was about 10 years later). And no, that’s not the worst thing I ever did.
(Nothing personal, but you Canadians suck at breaking the law… if it wasn’t for that Rob Ford guy, we Americans wouldn’t respect you at all)
10. If you could have dinner with one fictional character (including cartoon), who would you pick?
Probably my Ken barbie. I’d cut his hair and then dress him like a limousine driver…
(You know you can actually, literally do that… in real life… right?)
11. If you were locked in a room with a knife, a BBQ, and a living cow, would you die of starvation before you could bring yourself to kill the cow?
I would probably just cut my way out of the room. If mice can do it with a tooth, I’m pretty sure I could figure it out.
(I can’t believe the amount of wiggle-room I left in that question. This is not a test of your cleverness, you aren’t supposed to be James Bond. I want to know if you could release your inner Conan the barbarian if your life depended on it)
12. What one word describes your blog best?
(So you drink paint and then fart it onto the canvas? That is so cutting edge and avant-garde… and no wonder you give them away for free)
13. Is there one celebrity that you would leave your family for if they declared their undying love for you?
Only Sock Monkey. But he would have to promise me he would learn how to drive a limo.
(You lead a rich and fulfilling fantasy life… for a Canadian… ha)
14. If I got my hands on a photo of you and did funny things to you in Photoshop for a whole week, but you had no input into what I actually did to you, and I posted everything I did, would you be okay with that? And can I have a picture of you?
I feel like I’m being cornered. Is no an okay answer………..? If not, then yes. If you mail me your sock monkey pyjamas, I will mail you a photo.
(Stop trying to worm your way into my jammies!!!)
(That surprised me… and now I am crying like a baby… thanks)
16. If you could cuss out one famous person, living or dead, who would that be?
(Uh… do you speak German???)
17. Tell me the truth, do you really like me?
I check the mail every day for sock monkey pyjamas. I’m still deciding.
(I am not saying that I have never paid anybody to be my friend, but I never paid anybody with sleep wear)
18. What kind of circus trick would you like to be able to do?
Definitely the trapeze. It would be so cool if I were wearing sock monkey pyjamas at the same time.
(The funny thing is that I don’t even wear them… that’s right, ladies, I sleep naked… with socks in the winter time… but just the idea of having jammies with a monkey on them, that fit my size 15 feet and 6 feet 4 inch body, is so awesome… and they have sentimental value… and stripes… and I got that monkey hat that doesn’t really go with the jammies but keep my ears warm… you can never take that away from me)
19. Which drug side effects from TV commercials disturb you the most?
Violent behaviour. Like I need an excuse. “But officer, I am on medication…”
(We didn’t even need to add that to the meds to make them work… we put it in extra… because Americans just aren’t violent enough)
20. Who the hell do you think you are?
I am sock monkey. And I’m naked. Give me back my skin before I do something I regret!!!
(As long as you are already naked, you should go for that free trip to Paris… also, I doubt the fake boobs would fit in the jammies… you, my dear, are doomed)
21. Tell us why we should follow you?
Should is a very manipulative word. I would never phrase something that way unless I was drugged, or someone stole my clothes and made me cuss Hitler out, and I had to walk because there was no limousine. If you are interested in what makes a creative mind tick, give me a click.
(That was a deceptively clever answer… because at first glance it just appeared to be the ramblings of an unstable mind, but it ended up being much less like that)
Just for me……. (Hey… did you change that from ‘just for you’ to ‘just for me’??? You can’t alter the fabric of space and time just trying to be cute… what is wrong with you?)
1. Is it true that if you didn’t have sock monkey pyjamas that your life would just be a black hole of despair and loneliness, spiralling out of control as it sucked itself into nothingness?
Yes. Tell me about it.
(AHHHHH… ladies and gentlemen… she changed that too… the original question started out with: Is it true that if you didn’t follow my blog that your life would… etc, She is just playing havoc with this whole thing, running around all willie nillie… I have half a mind to call this whole thing off… but I already typed so much)
2. Tell us about any sports or athletic type stuff you do?
Painting should be a sport. If not, kickboxing might count. But I quit that.
(I know, and I hate that… picturing you kicking some rude Canadian dude right in the ice balls was one of my favorite pastimes)
3. Who is sexier… Herman Munster or Gomez Addams???
(Can’t you take anything seriously???)
Okay, people, that wraps it up… go look at her paintings… they don’t really smell like farts…