I am the one who keeps WordPress working…

(or): Why you REALLY want to follow my blog and be my friend so you can double your stat numbers because it turns out I am the best commenter of all times!!!

(or): Seriously, WordPress, you should be paying me for all the stuff I do around here, but so far, even though I wrote that love song to you, you haven’t even Freshly Pressed me yet!

I was going to reblog all the posts people are doing where they tell me that I was their number 1 commenter last year, according to those end-of-the-year stats reports WordPress sent to us. But it turns out that if I reblogged all those posts, you would have to read about how awesome I am for the next two weeks… and I already tell you how awesome I am everyday at least two or three times… so…

On many blogs, I left more than double the number of comments than the next highest commenter. So you can see why it would be a good idea to follow my blog, make interesting comments until I follow you back, and then reap the bounty of my wordiness to build up your stat numbers, right?

Okay, here is the thing… oh, thing, there you are… There are perfectly good reasons why I comment so much:

1. I don’t have a full-time job. I manage apartments, but I don’t have to be there at any particular time, or that often. This gives me an open schedule. Don’t get me wrong. I am busy. I have written at least 6 novels and a children’s book and am getting them all published. I am trying to send my short stories and poems out there to get them put on public view. I am in a band. I carve tikis and paint and draw and have kids and a life. But…

2. I hate to not get in the last word. That is why I comment so much. I answer every single comment left on my blog. All of them. And I try to make every answer a good one. That is why a few of my posts have 1,000 comments on them. Or more. Because as many times as you are willing to comment back to my comment on your comment, I will comment again. Go ahead and try me.

3. I don’t follow a lot of people. I can’t follow everybody who follows me. But if you catch my eye, and I do end up following you, I will read all your new posts and comment on them. And then comment on your comment on my comment… and so on… The only way to stop me from doing this is if you stop reading all my posts and commenting on them. Then, I will get annoyed and start just clicking the ‘like’ button on your new posts, and then unfollow you when you aren’t looking. It has to be tit-for-tat… (Ha… I just wanted to sneak the word ‘tit’ in there… now I can tag this post with the words: ‘tit, big boobs, and free porn’… because that is how you can also bump up your hit stats… by luring unsuspecting porn junkies in. Hey, don’t judge me. Any time they spend here is time they aren’t doing… whatever it is they do when they look at real pictures of big boobs… it is a public service I am doing)…

About pouringmyartout

You will laugh at my antics... That is my solemn promise to you... Or your money back... Stop on by...
This entry was posted in Stories of my life, stuff about blogging, thinking about stuff and tagged , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

337 Responses to I am the one who keeps WordPress working…

  1. blogblogmine says:

    it seems you are a nice human being.. a mitigator
    nice to meet you on the crooked way… will get back to you when needed.. Hasty Words is sitting next to me right now… doing some office job. Am the wife.

  2. stephrogers says:

    So you don’t follow me yet, I obviously haven’t caught your eye. I may have to post a piece about boobs, or how about a post all about lesbian sex? That should do it. Or monkeys, you like monkeys huh? But not monkey sex, that’s just plain weird. Or not. Depending on whether or not you are a monkey, or a zoologist. I need to stop speaking now.

  3. I’m stunned that you have not been FP’d yet! You fill my Reader with crazy wackiness that makes me smile. Not to mention a little envious at the amount of words the pour out of you!

    Apartment manager, huh. Sounds like the ideal job to get away from cubicle/pod life! Sign me up!

  4. I vouch for this post personally. I would be lost in the wordpress sea, a tiny speck of flotsam, if it weren’t for you, and a very few others. Now, thanks to you, I’m a slightly bigger than tiny bit of flotsam in the wordpress sea.

  5. Zyzzyva – so again, I have the last word.

  6. I came here for the porn, and stayed for the porn. I also came to figure out if Carly Simon was related to Paul Simon.

    I also came to get the last word: Zyxt.

    • That is cheating… and you saw the post where I proved photographically that I invented the wardrobe malfunction, and you chose not to participate in my attempt to get all of us to write a porno script, so stop whining.

  7. elroyjones says:

    I never noticed that you must have the last word. Fascinating!

  8. List of X says:

    I won’t do a Annual report post (those lazy wordpress helper monkeys never bothered to turn it into a list of 10), but you’re my number 1, too. Seriously, people, getting Art to follow you is like winning a WordPress comment jackpot. Also, after he followed me, I lost 10 pounds and got a big raise. This may or may not be connected to the fact that PMAO followed me, but you won’t know unless you follow him first!
    So leave comments on his every post, buy his books or send him money directly! This may or may not be connected to the fact that someone has kidnapped my wife… Oh, sorry, my bad, she was just in another room… Still, do those things, tell 20 of your friends to do the same, and happiness will follow. Because if you don’t do those things, Dick Cheney will come to your house to take you on a one-way hunting trip!
    (#Porn #boobs #tits #crackwhores #meganfox #justinbieber – just doing what I can to help with the stats)

  9. benzeknees says:

    I feel honored to be among the few blogs you follow! Of course you are in my Top 3 Commenters, you may even be #1, but I didn’t pay enough attention to my stats when I posted them. I don’t know what I did to catch your eye, but I’m sure glad I did!

  10. I came here looking for big books and instead I found big boobs. I think it is a win win for everybody. You should win an award for the most prolific and the most entertaining commentator – many an hour a day have I wiled away trying to keep up with the hilarious stream of narrative that you sail your wayward ship down. You’re a Freshly Pressed beacon if ever I saw one!

  11. You are so awesomesaucealicious(uh,I’ve done copy and paste)
    Happy New Year to you too!

  12. janeybgood says:

    I’m not gonna lie, the tags enticed me. WHAT’S WRONG WITH ME?

  13. areed090290 says:

    Interesting enough! I took a hiatus from blogging for a good while, and I came back on New Years, and I’m going through everyone I follow. You sir, are a keeper! I absolutely loved this.

  14. Doobster418 says:

    I “liked” this post, but not because it was tagged with “big boobs” and “free porn.” Not that there’s anything wrong with that. I also follow you, but not because I want you to follow me. Sheesh, I’m paranoid enough as it is. I follow you because, despite your tendency toward unabashed self-promotion (which apparently works quite effectively, by the way, given your 75,000+ followers), your posts almost always make me laugh. And I like to laugh.

  15. joehoover says:

    You haven’t been FP’d? Scandalous!

    I’m almost at my 3 year anniversary of being FP’d. I remember that day well. I’ll remember that day on my deathbed. I still sleep with a screenshot I took of that moment.

  16. skyefalls12 says:

    i salute you for your public service 😉

  17. El Guapo says:

    I’m curious – how many blogs do you actively follow?
    And how many of your 1500+ followers are active here?
    *And why do zebras have stripes?
    *And why don’t they come in more interesting colors?
    *And what is the average rainfall of the amazon river basin?
    *and how far can a swallow fly carrying a coconut

    * Optional questions.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s