(or): Why you REALLY want to follow my blog and be my friend so you can double your stat numbers because it turns out I am the best commenter of all times!!!
(or): Seriously, WordPress, you should be paying me for all the stuff I do around here, but so far, even though I wrote that love song to you, you haven’t even Freshly Pressed me yet!
I was going to reblog all the posts people are doing where they tell me that I was their number 1 commenter last year, according to those end-of-the-year stats reports WordPress sent to us. But it turns out that if I reblogged all those posts, you would have to read about how awesome I am for the next two weeks… and I already tell you how awesome I am everyday at least two or three times… so…
On many blogs, I left more than double the number of comments than the next highest commenter. So you can see why it would be a good idea to follow my blog, make interesting comments until I follow you back, and then reap the bounty of my wordiness to build up your stat numbers, right?
Okay, here is the thing… oh, thing, there you are… There are perfectly good reasons why I comment so much:
1. I don’t have a full-time job. I manage apartments, but I don’t have to be there at any particular time, or that often. This gives me an open schedule. Don’t get me wrong. I am busy. I have written at least 6 novels and a children’s book and am getting them all published. I am trying to send my short stories and poems out there to get them put on public view. I am in a band. I carve tikis and paint and draw and have kids and a life. But…
2. I hate to not get in the last word. That is why I comment so much. I answer every single comment left on my blog. All of them. And I try to make every answer a good one. That is why a few of my posts have 1,000 comments on them. Or more. Because as many times as you are willing to comment back to my comment on your comment, I will comment again. Go ahead and try me.
3. I don’t follow a lot of people. I can’t follow everybody who follows me. But if you catch my eye, and I do end up following you, I will read all your new posts and comment on them. And then comment on your comment on my comment… and so on… The only way to stop me from doing this is if you stop reading all my posts and commenting on them. Then, I will get annoyed and start just clicking the ‘like’ button on your new posts, and then unfollow you when you aren’t looking. It has to be tit-for-tat… (Ha… I just wanted to sneak the word ‘tit’ in there… now I can tag this post with the words: ‘tit, big boobs, and free porn’… because that is how you can also bump up your hit stats… by luring unsuspecting porn junkies in. Hey, don’t judge me. Any time they spend here is time they aren’t doing… whatever it is they do when they look at real pictures of big boobs… it is a public service I am doing)…
it seems you are a nice human being.. a mitigator
nice to meet you on the crooked way… will get back to you when needed.. Hasty Words is sitting next to me right now… doing some office job. Am the wife.
I have no idea what any of that means, but Hasty is a dear friend of mine, and I think you have the wrong idea about her. She is an awesome parent, a kind human being, and I feel very protective of her, and her family, and her reputation… just so you know.
me too.. initially we had big fight.. but now we are happy couple and we have a cute daughter 🙂
she is sleeping now
That is good to hear.
hasty words is sitting next to me… was out for office dinner.. tomorrow got to give demo..at Hyatt..
Tell her I said hi
what r u doing now? u had ur dinner?
It is still morning here
So you don’t follow me yet, I obviously haven’t caught your eye. I may have to post a piece about boobs, or how about a post all about lesbian sex? That should do it. Or monkeys, you like monkeys huh? But not monkey sex, that’s just plain weird. Or not. Depending on whether or not you are a monkey, or a zoologist. I need to stop speaking now.
This comment is going to be even funnier when you see Inner View #4… ha… am I not following you???
No I never see you at my place. Well I did today but ya know…is Inner View #4 up yet? I’m eagerly awaiting it now… I read two of your chapters last night. Did you want me to use the “track changes” option in word?
I just hit your follow button… don’t know why I hadn’t yet… sure, I might be able to do the follow changes thing… you know I am an idiot, right?
Hehehe it just means you’ll be able to see what I’ve changed and then change it back if you like
You give me a lot of credit, but I will try.
I have rectified my previous oversight… I like the rainbow flags!
Yay!
indeed
I’m stunned that you have not been FP’d yet! You fill my Reader with crazy wackiness that makes me smile. Not to mention a little envious at the amount of words the pour out of you!
Apartment manager, huh. Sounds like the ideal job to get away from cubicle/pod life! Sign me up!
I have had worse… I have had a lot of jobs… I think I did a post about it once…
I vouch for this post personally. I would be lost in the wordpress sea, a tiny speck of flotsam, if it weren’t for you, and a very few others. Now, thanks to you, I’m a slightly bigger than tiny bit of flotsam in the wordpress sea.
We are fattening you up…
Zyzzyva – so again, I have the last word.
no you don’t
Look it up, sir. Last word in the dictionary.
Bet you regret not defining the parameters of ‘last word’ now, don’t you?
No I don’t.
Oh, kay
K. O.
I came here for the porn, and stayed for the porn. I also came to figure out if Carly Simon was related to Paul Simon.
I also came to get the last word: Zyxt.
That is cheating… and you saw the post where I proved photographically that I invented the wardrobe malfunction, and you chose not to participate in my attempt to get all of us to write a porno script, so stop whining.
I never noticed that you must have the last word. Fascinating!
Sarcasm font! We need you!
I won’t do a Annual report post (those lazy wordpress helper monkeys never bothered to turn it into a list of 10), but you’re my number 1, too. Seriously, people, getting Art to follow you is like winning a WordPress comment jackpot. Also, after he followed me, I lost 10 pounds and got a big raise. This may or may not be connected to the fact that PMAO followed me, but you won’t know unless you follow him first!
So leave comments on his every post, buy his books or send him money directly! This may or may not be connected to the fact that someone has kidnapped my wife… Oh, sorry, my bad, she was just in another room… Still, do those things, tell 20 of your friends to do the same, and happiness will follow. Because if you don’t do those things, Dick Cheney will come to your house to take you on a one-way hunting trip!
(#Porn #boobs #tits #crackwhores #meganfox #justinbieber – just doing what I can to help with the stats)
Thanks. I was actually getting ready to do a post with Dick Cheney mentioned in it…
I think you’re always ready to do a post mentioning Dick Cheney.
I have cut down…
I feel honored to be among the few blogs you follow! Of course you are in my Top 3 Commenters, you may even be #1, but I didn’t pay enough attention to my stats when I posted them. I don’t know what I did to catch your eye, but I’m sure glad I did!
You were you… that was enough… but now you have to keep being you.
I came here looking for big books and instead I found big boobs. I think it is a win win for everybody. You should win an award for the most prolific and the most entertaining commentator – many an hour a day have I wiled away trying to keep up with the hilarious stream of narrative that you sail your wayward ship down. You’re a Freshly Pressed beacon if ever I saw one!
Hey… where the heck have you been???
I’m always here – I just have a very draining day job that requires studying exams in my free time. It pays off my debts and I’m finishing the last one this month/next month. However, I am trying to get back in the game, one comment at a time. I have a ton of writing and musical projects lined up too so the world hasn’t heard the last of me. I’m also blogging more regularly when I can, just did a poetry collab the other day. We should write some more too 🙂
Yes, yes we should.
Sigh
yup
You are so awesomesaucealicious(uh,I’ve done copy and paste)
Happy New Year to you too!
Thank you… do I get royalties when you use it?
Don’t be so greedy, do a charitable act for holiday season
Okay fine… but I am still writing it off on my taxes next year…
I’m not gonna lie, the tags enticed me. WHAT’S WRONG WITH ME?
Oh… just wait until I do another post about the search terms people use to find my blog… in fact, don’t wait… use the search button… the magnifying glass thing… and type in search terms or stuff like that until you find the long post of all the search terms… I did a comment by each one… it is really funny… and disturbing…
Don’t worry, you’re in good company. Or bad company. Or whatever.
It feels dark and seedy here. I love it.
What? I just vacuumed the floor… and put in fresh flowers… musty, maybe… that is the crack squirrels… they give off a musk… but dark… well… yeah…
It’s ok, I’m not classy. I’d be impressed by plastic flowers, frankly.
Ha! Our family motto when we travel: We’re from California, and we ain’t hard to impress!
Also; No trips to the emergency room today.
Love it! Our family motto was: if you get arrested, you’re on your own.
My wife says that one. I am glad my mom wasn’t that way when I was young, because a care package of comic books can be… well… never mind…
Dark and seedy just scratches the surface. It’s also perfectly insane. But perfectly insane is better than mildly sane, no? Also, the inkeeper hereabouts keeps a sharp knife and a loaded gun, but he has terrible hygeine. Beware.
My genie is not high… although that would explain why my wishes keep getting mixed up… I wanted a small piano player that I could carry around in a back pack to accompany me when I play guitar and sing, but when I asked my genie for a twelve inch pianist, he chose to misunderstand, and now I am hung like a racehorse…
Ha! I kill me…
Oh groan!!!!!! Plus, I have to tell you, genies subscribe to the metric system (you know, the system that only Burma, Liberia and the US don’t use), so in actuality, he probably gave you 12 centimetres rather than inches. Perhaps amongst your tribe, that is cause for celebration, but here in the great white north, we require sizeable appendages in order to breed amongst the snowflakes. Which we do regularly. Such as right now.
You are breeding right now… ewwww…. I bet that explains how you ended up on my blog… looking for hot Inuit girls. Ha… you thought I would say Eskimo and get in trouble with the political correctness police, didn’t yo… oh… dang it…
And I think my genie measured in fathoms… or maybe cubits… he is from the old middle east after all.
Ewwww… that’s not what she said.
I don’t remember how I ended up on your blog, but it was undoubtedly in refererence to some type of sex or other bodily function. As for your genie, I hear he’s actually quite nearsighted, so his perception of size may be a bit off. Be warned. I hear you can reverse this type of procedure, although the colours may not quite match…
We can settle this once and for all… I will simply measure it… hold on… I need to walk to the other end of it to make sure it is in a straight line… and not in danger of being run over by any cars…
Okay. When you’re done, just write down the result on the end of mine and I’ll reel it back.
Reel it back out? Boy, I knew it was cold there, but that is some serious shrinkage…
I meant a penis that stretches from coast to coast! This is when I wish I could Photoshop.
Even Photoshop can’t perform miracles…
The sheer girth of your comment is astounding.
Girth of a nation! He’s got the whole world in his hands.
Just don’t ask him what he’s doing with his hands.
whatever
I feel like some Grimms Brothers fairytale character who has accidentally stumbled upon a place of ill repute. A place where my innocence will be compromised.
If you have any innocence left, you are in the wrong place…
No… not really. I actually pride myself on being a family friendly blog… okay, except for that time I tried to get all my followers to write a funny porno script… and some of the Photoshop pictures of Dick Cheney area little disturbing… but other than that, bring the kids, grandma, your probation officer, whoever!
That does sound like good clean fun albeit slightly disturbing good clean fun, but disturbing is good. And this is the internet after all.
We could be doing far, far worse. Let’s not go there.
Go where?
To the very dark corner of the Internet where the weirdos live. Anyone is about five YouTube videos away from it at any given time.
Well, this is a dark place, but the good kind of dark… like the kind of dark you liked to find when you wanted to make out with your first boyfriend, or a moonlit beach walking with your husband under the stars holding hands kind of a dark, or like the dark in a movie theatre right before a movie that you really want to see starts.
What a lovely simile and I can put my mace back in my purse now. Just kidding, I don’t carry mace. But sincerely, your blog is cool and fun and I would totally show my grandma if she wasn’t afraid of computers.
Hey… I am afraid of computers… in about 20 minutes I am going to post a thing I am typing right now… please read… I know it’s long… but I think you will appreciate it… and you are my new best friend… so…
And look at me here, constantly interrupting your writing, like a kid poking you in the face.
And of course I’ll read it, given that you’ve had the patience to reply to my ramblings
That is where we started off, isn’t it?
And so the circle of life is complete
Hey… careful… family show, remember… HA!
Sorry, I forget myself sometimes!
I have standards to uphold… ever since I got kicked off WordPress for four days because of a spam joke that went astray…
They can do that? *looks around in a paranoid manner*
You would be surprised by what I can do.
Hey lady, there are no innocents in here.
I love fairy tales. I blog them occasionally and tell them to my kids. They sort of hate fairly tales. It’s a love-hate relationship all around.
Don’t confuse the issue… don’t make us look bad… can you just shut up and wait until she decides she wants to stay before you get all weird… sheesh…
Hey I’m just trying to be charming. It isn’t working????
You are charming like in a Boris Karloff or… who was that guy with the big eyes that was in a few Bogart movies, and I think Arsenic and Old Lace, the guy with the weird voice…
I think you’re dating yourself. Kinky.
I love old movies, and who I date is nobody’s business but me… and me…
Photoshop time.
ha
Oh… Peter Lorry… Lorrey… Lorie… Laurie… ahhh
Are you quite all right? It’s only January 3rd!
WHAT?
I’m surprised too. And a little drunk. Well, not yet anyway.
uh huh
Hey! I’m prepping for my little boy’s b-day dinner. No drinking allowed!
I rarely drink… imagine this blog if I did…
The wine is good for the soul.
The tequila is bad for the brain
This is true. That stuff is vile.
yeyssshhh
I read the original “Little Red Riding Hood” to my students and they were traumatised. They just sat there ashen-faced and shocked. And don’t get me started on the original “Snow White”. But yeah, I love fairy tales too.
Oh… how old are your students… I wrote a children’s book… ‘I Like Monkeys’… it is getting good reviews…
I did original watercolor pictures for it…
Sounds really cool. My students are 13-18, and yes, they still find fairy tales scary. So might they be too old? Keep in mind, they love cartoons.
Nah… they wouldn’t get it… however they would love my hilarious sci-fi series… the second book is coming soon… like days from now…
I have some male students who I’m sure would love that, yes. Man, you’re busy!
I am right now… it is a funny book series, lots of adventure, but nobody dies, even though there are assassins, huge space battles, space pirates, evil corporations, an invasion from another dimension, and… stuff… very Dr. Who meets Hitchhiker’s Guide
Well, that just sounds fantastic. Why can’t my brain do things like that?
I mean, space pirates? Wow, you’ve basically combined the two coolest things ever.
I left pout rodeo clowns… but I am already working on book 5, so… stick with me.
Rodeo clowns rule all.
right
I might have to read that. Guess you’re a teacher. I used to teach. Now I refrain from all learning and just hang out here instead.
Yep. I’m only new to it, so I still have all the misguided idealism a new teacher has.
Well, I hope you keep it. There’s really nothing better than teaching, in my opinion. I do it for fun now. And still have fun. Kids are so smart these days…
Okay… that’s better… I have my eye on you…
Hey I am always nice. I don’t promise normal, however.
Honesty is so refreshing.
So is a change of underwear, hint hint.
sigh
I hope so too. I try my best for them and they haven’t tied me up and trapped me in a closet yet, so that’s always a bonus. You teach for fun? Surely that deserves an award? Anyone?
This is his reward… he hangs out here and tries to charm all the ladies who come in… today he is a teacher… yesterday, a fireman, and astronaut, a special forces soldier, a brain surgeon and a rodeo clown.
Ah, I see. He would have had more success with rodeo clown because, well, that just speaks for itself.
I can hear him digging in the closet for his chaps…
Chaps, really *swoons*
oh… fudgesticks.
Sigh. I’m down with the award idea, but I don’t see any forthcoming to be honest.
Sounds like you know what you’re doing. I really much respect teachers.
Humble… good job… they love that…
Just being honest. Teachers rock.
Oh just put the chaps on and you two can ride off into the sunset together… stupid single bar for married people idea…
I prefer to take the chaps off when doing my riding, to be honest. I have no idea what that means but it sounds uber-phat in my head.
Okay I am off to b-day celebration, I think we are ready. My wife is a bit slow with the cake, however.
Okay… bye… and the horse you pretended to ride in on… ha!
Take er easy, my man.
My best to the WIFE and family… ha
Well here’s a virtual high-five.
Thanks, it’s tough work but I get to talk about medieval castles and teach Shakespeare, which is even more fun than it sounds.
Uh… I did an awesome post where Shakespeare meets Sam I Am, and writes him a letter explaining why he can’t eat green eggs and ham… just sayin’
I’m going to properly peruse your blog tomorrow instead of just plaguing you with random comments.
It’s almost midnight here, I’ve had a pretty large dose of chloroform and Ryan Gosling is on tv so my concentration levels are not good but tomorrow I shall cyber stalk the crap outta your blog, and you’ll know because a little Irish flag will pop up in your stats.
Wait… are you in Ireland?
Sure am!
I love the Irish! Some of my best followers are from there.
I know, we are petty cool. I see we, because I assume I’m also cool. My mother says so, anyway.
I am voting for cool, and so is Trent, so…
*high fives myself* I just ruined it, didn’t I?
No… but I missed this comment… it went to spam.
That is soooo cool. I never got to teach cool stuff.
High five back.
It’s balanced out by the boring stuff too though, like the industrial revolution which I tried to make cool but failed spectacularly. What did you teach if you don’t mind me asking?
Engineering in university. Mostly fluid mechanics and thermodynamics, but a bit of heat and mass transer and mass transfer operations. It was booooring. But I miss the kids. They were the best part. I always thought it was stressful but interesting looking over the room to see if you actually had their attention, and then thinking of ways to get it if you didn’t. I did some pretty crazy stuff, and it was so much fun.
He also teaches them how to fly the Tardis…
I am British, after all.
And a Lord…
That sounds amazing. I would’ve loved to teach at university, where they’re there by choice, not by law. Wow, I’m very impressed. Your subject sounds tough but it does sound interesting. It certainly a cut above teaching phonics and grammar *shudder*
Ahhh… your last three comments went in my spam folder for some reason.
They probably thought I was miss spamalot because of all my comments, oops.
I live for serial commenters. I have had this happen to me lots of times. WordPress gets confused if you get to excited.
I don’t know, I’d rather have taught English. Would have been more substantial and meaningful, and less of the “hey let’s cram everything in for the exam and forget it the moment the proctor tells you time’s up” mentality. I loved the university environment, though. So much cool stuff, and good people, and brains just thinking. Also drinking. And thinking. Which is never really compatible.
Ha… you said that last line to an Irish person… that’s funny… wait… so you were a proctor-ologist???
Um, why, are you in need of any particular services?
No, here we call a proctor the person who administers the exam. They’re the ones who collect the papers at the end and make sure no one cheated. Generally, they suck.
So they all hated you, and you came here seeking friendship and gullible young women???
I guess I was a proctor on a few occasions, but I was a fun one. As to gullible young women… well, I did marry one of my students. True story. Just don’t tell anyone.
That is so wrong… and cool…
All I can say is, she did really well in school. Really well.
sigh
That’s what she said.
As well she might
I am just so dreamy…
Indeed.
I do love teaching English. It’s been fun trying to get to guys to appreciate poetry and to get them to be more reflective in their writing but we have a good time in class and I think that’s what’s important.
They’re still very young though and that’s why I’d love university teaching because you’ve got a more mature audience. The downside is I assume they’re more demanding.
Ah yes, the drinking. I’m not gonna lie, one of my favourite things about college. And the intellectual discussions . Ahem.
So cool. Teaching English. I have jealousy.
I miss uni. I wouldn’t go back, but there was some real freedom thereabouts. I met great people. I even met my wife there. Great times.
I met some people who’ve had a massive impact on my life; both good and bad but I wouldn’t change it. Like you, I wouldn’t go back because I think it’s something that can only be experienced once. But it was a great journey. My boyfriend actually lectures in university part-time and loves it.
Okay now you’re killing me. Tell your boyfriend if ever needs a guest guest lecturer to sign me up. I work for peanuts. Literally.
Will do. He lectures on nuclear politics which makes him sound very clever, which I’m sure he is. He’s very close to the end of a PhD and going slightly insane because of it.
I have one of those too. I’m pretty sure it did drive me insane. Mine’s in environmental engineering.
Give him my respect, and tell him to keep at it. The last bits are the worst, truly. But once it’s done, he’ll forget about all the pain. It’s like childbirth (or so I tell my wife – she doesn’t seem to like that comment).
Haha, he actually said the same thing the other day (despite us not having kids so I’m just going to take your word for it).
It’s a fantastic achievement, so respect to you. He’s very nearly there, it’s the defence of it in front of a panel that he’s dreading.
Okay, last piece of advice. In a defence, there is no one in the room who knows as much about the thesis topic as the person who is delivering it. You are the authority. Remembering that kept me from becoming a drooling lump of crud during my defence, and honestly, the questions weren’t that bad, cause I knew the topic inside out and the committee didn’t.
Anyway, best of luck to your boyfriend.
I’ve just shown this to him and he really appreciates it. He doesn’t really listen to me because I’ve never been there before so hopefully he’ll take this on board. Very good advice, thanks you.
Sure… tell him hi for me, too… I just run the place…
My pleasure. Hope the defence goes well. Please drop a line after it’s over.
Will do. Hopefully it’s not too far off.
yup
Or just a comment
Har de har har.
Ok, Ralph Cramden…
Um, dating yourself again? That’s a disgusting habit, you know. Unless you’re a nun. Then you’re… well, disgusting too.
Why do you want me to date myself???
I dunno. I like Back to the Future?
Of course you do… you people ride moose for entertainment.
I don’t hear the moose complaining. I mean, they make a lot of noise. But not that kind of noise.
Do you speak moose? I didn’t think so.
You got me there. I skipped moose in high school.
You didn’t have jump ropes?
That’s a good one.
I know, right?
Yes… indeed… and unlike Mr. Flirty pants, when I say good luck to your boyfriend, I don’t mean I hope he drowns in a horrible breast-feeding alcohol related accident leaving you grieving and single…
Flirty pants? I’ll have you know that I am not wearing any pants, thank you very much.
Just trying to deliver advice from personal experience, my man. Nothing is more stressful than one of these, until you get into it and realize that you own the place. I sympathize with the man, the lead-up is kinda dreadful.
You are all heart… and no pants
That seems like the way to go, when you’re a little bit drunk and covered in snow.
Then I guess you went a very long way
And you, sans pants, and without a sleigh
Stumbling ‘or the frozen bay
A shambling wreck of such utter decay
Throwing yourself into the fray
Though your hair has long since turned to gray
Long past the rolling in the hay
No downy blanket on which to lay
No trundle bed in which to play
No clever words for you to say
No prayers of solace on which to pray
I wish you might, I wish you may
With none to tell you yeah or nay
No money for the toll to pay
No sun to warm you with its ray
Well now that was actually quite touching. And weird. This is your special niche, my man.
Yes without pants I met my whore-y Queen
And rodgered so hard she felt it in the spleen
Once again into the fray she cried
So I spit on a scone and waved her goodbye
Cause damn it I’m a Colonial don’t you know
A Colonial with feelings made of snow
A Colonial, C-o-lonial, well-cured and bent
Giving it to Colonial girls in a camping tent
Yeah yeah no prayers of solace on which to pray
That line sounds so remarkably gay
I wish I had an eraser to make it go away
But it’s stuck in my craw for forever and a day
Give me that Cali sun and I’ll soak it in rays
And then light it up in a bonfire blaze
I’m going back to Cali, back to Cali I don’t think so
Gonna get wasted in Compton with the hoes
But if I see my Queen lusting on the corner
I’m gonna shag her bod like a horny Transformer
Robot sex is underrated but all the bomb
A little electricity makes your butt kinda numb
I say ro-bot, ro-bot, ro-bot sex is now acceptable
I just stuck my fleshy member in a nearby receptacle
Ro-bot, ro-bot love is getting kinda real
We gotta get us a Queen made of metal and some wheels
Ride her around the streets of sunny San Fran
And lay her down gentle in this warm fertile land
I say ro-bot
Ro-bot
Ro-bot love is really where it’s at
When you’re a colonial escaping that British cat
She had to know that I’d replace her with a bot
Just wish my robot was even a quarter as hot
Qu-een, Qu-een
So dapper in the bush
Got a present here for you
Something something in the tush
Qu-een, Qu-een
I miss your wrinkles and those moles
I miss your nostrils and every other hole
How did I think a Colonial could get by
With a robot that always pokes me in the eye?
I say I say the answer is to combine my dearest loves
To make a robot queen that wears frilly gloves
A true harlot with a heart made of wires
The type of girl that will truly inspire
Ro-bot Qu-een
Ro-bot Qu-een
I say my homies down along Highway Number 1
Better make my android girl complete with ten thumbs
For all that prodding and that poking in the Cali sun
My ro-bot queen is all I need to have me some fun
Very impressive, but a little to rodgery for my taste.
That is not a word. You know which one I mean.
to is a word… not the right word… I meant too…
I meant “impressive”.
I’m sure you did.
Did I mention that I am a high school dropout… and yet here you both are, splendiferous in your fanciful educated states, hanging around on my blog… where you are both ignoring me completely… hey… wait…
This is where I hang out to make friends. It used to be the park but some people thought it was “weird” and “creepy”
Yeah… most of us aren’t creepy at all…
Most of us. *coughs awkwardly*
Just keep your eyes open, your hands in plain sight, and your Guinness taps open, and you will be fine.
You had a boyfriend too???
Ha… oh man… I kill myself…
Sigh. Good one.
Thanks
Nuclear politics: We have nukes, so shut up and do what we say… and no… you can’t build your own nukes… that is crazy talk… (U. S. A. version)
Irish version: we have no nukes cause it’s more fun to be drunk all the time.
There is an old saying: God invented whiskey so the Irish wouldn’t rule the world.
He works for peanuts… and never forgets, and had gray, wrinkly skin and big ears… he might be an elephant… or an alien… or just a really ugly Canadian… if you can imagine such a thing…
Hey! Who you calling an elephant?
uh… I said might be…
And who’s this ugly Canadian you are referring to? Is it Bob? He has a bit of a crooked nose on account of hockey pucks, but he does have that tight posterior…
Oh you should know better than to leave me with a straight line like that.
I like to pop a lay-up your way every now and then, cause you da man.
Or lay a pop-up my way.
I like the baseball reference. This makes me happy.
Is that what that was?
Oh boy. Don’t you live in a city with a Major League Baseball team and aren’t you real close to another one?
yeah, so?
Well… you just met two more people who are going to have a massive impact on your life… so there…
Oh, this is emotional *wipes tears* you guys!
I can’t believe it took you so long to find us…
I am a high school dropout… maybe I could come to Ireland and get some tutoring… I is nott veri good with woords…
Could have fooled me. You seem very good with words. High school dropout, whatever. That means nothing.
It means I got my GED and went into the Navy when I was 17
Meh. School says nothing about your mental faculties. Trust me, I’ve taught like a couple of thousand students.
Navy eh? I think I knew that.
I thought you did.
Pretty sure.
Me too.
sigh
I’ve just had a completely random thought that I’m going to share. You look like Jeff Bridges in The Big Lebowski in your picture. Which is really cool!
Who… me?
Yep!
You know, all my life, everybody I meet says I remind them of somebody they know or somebody famous. When I was younger it was people like Jim Morison from the Doors, or Robert Plant. But I will take that one.
I would literally stalk Jim Morrison if he was alive. There, I admit it. He was so cool.
See… I used to be cool… there are actually pictures of me in my younger days way down there… look for the one with me in a red shirt and long hair… I invented the wardrobe malfunction… try typing that in the search bar…
Now I’m going to go creep on your pictures, I feel it’s less creepy if I actually tell you…?
I am shameless and like the attention.
I found it, it’s a photo that’s half catalog model, half van Halen album cover. Totally cool.
I worked for the Towers records company, making all the display sign for all over the world.
Once again, I am left out of a conversation on MY blog…
We’re like the mean kids in class who whisper. But we’ve been united by your blog.
I will try to look at it that way.
Or, you could look at you guys as the super-cool popular bloggers, and me as some nerdy loser whose tagging along. Might make it easier for you.
More like you are the cool girl, and we are the needy bloggers that all the jocks make fun of.
I doubt cool girls girls are currently making paper mâché castles for their medieval history class but thanks!
Oh, if only I were younger and single… I love history… and castles… you are like my ‘rodeo clown’!
Haha, there’s the strangest compliment I’ve ever received!
I specialize in strange.
And we wouldn’t have it any other way 🙂
Well… it is sort of what I do… without the strange, this blog would just be sad… and really creepy…
No, it’d also be funny. So you’d be creepy sad guy that’s also funny. Like Woody Allen.
I guess that would be okay.
sigh
This girl is cool, dude.
And you didn’t scare her away.
Oh, misguided idealism… well, if they don’t crush it, we sure the heck will… HA!!!
I don’t doubt it haha!
It will all be fine… hey, does this smell like chloroform to you?
Oh man… I kill me… not other people… just me…
Haha, you know it does a little… I… Hey, is anyone else feeling a little sleep-…..
Oh… whoops… that was supposed to be a joke…
Learning better stuff… hello…
Um, hi? Did we just learn something? Crikes, I missed it.
We need to figure out which of us is the straight man in this comedy act.
Wait. This is an act??????
Well…
Bad Company!
Interesting enough! I took a hiatus from blogging for a good while, and I came back on New Years, and I’m going through everyone I follow. You sir, are a keeper! I absolutely loved this.
I should be ashamed of myself, but I guess the advantage of being shameless is the whole ‘not feeling shame’ thing. Thanks… and watch your step as you board…
No problem!! I don’t think you should be ashamed of yourself, you’re not doing it in a malicious way. There’s a sense of humor about it. But that’s just my humble opinion
Oh, it is definitely a joke… but thanks for getting that.
No problem 🙂
You know you can’t win this game, but don’t take my word for it yet… ha!
Well, here http://www.onesahmscrazylife.wordpress.com
I’d love an opinion if you don’t mind… if you do I understand. Oh and I know I can’t win.. I figured as much 🙂
Good job. I am intrigued… I also have the attention span of a gnat… so you have to keep poking me…
Well there are plenty of posts below that one that could possibly poke your attention. 🙂
I just have lots going on… that is why you need to stick around reminding me how clever and charming you are… that sounded really conceited, didn’t it?
I’m not clever or charming. I’m just honest and sometimes borderline insane from my children making me that way. So no…that wasn’t conceited at all.
I was more or less insane before I even had kids…
I “liked” this post, but not because it was tagged with “big boobs” and “free porn.” Not that there’s anything wrong with that. I also follow you, but not because I want you to follow me. Sheesh, I’m paranoid enough as it is. I follow you because, despite your tendency toward unabashed self-promotion (which apparently works quite effectively, by the way, given your 75,000+ followers), your posts almost always make me laugh. And I like to laugh.
Oops, I misspoke. 75,000+ hits, 1,500+ followers. I never was very good at math.
You can’t be worse at it than me.
I am really all about the laughter… but sometimes shameless self-promotion is just funny.
You haven’t been FP’d? Scandalous!
I’m almost at my 3 year anniversary of being FP’d. I remember that day well. I’ll remember that day on my deathbed. I still sleep with a screenshot I took of that moment.
Rub it in, why don’t you?
I’ll start a petition
A repetition.
i salute you for your public service 😉
Thank you… I do what I can…
I’m curious – how many blogs do you actively follow?
And how many of your 1500+ followers are active here?
*And why do zebras have stripes?
*And why don’t they come in more interesting colors?
*And what is the average rainfall of the amazon river basin?
*and how far can a swallow fly carrying a coconut
* Optional questions.
How do I find out how many people I am following?
It actually says so right above your Follow button. Or you can find it on the View All stats page from the dashboard.
It gives twitter followers, blog followers, and post comments followers.
I found it, and I answered all your questions.
Yes, you did.
You’d make an awful politician.
I would… but I would make an awesome supreme leader of all the universes… ironic, isn’t it?
ala Zaphod Beeblebrox?
No… more from my novels… but I guess… a little…
Oh… I found it…
I follow 47 blogs.
Maybe 10% of my followers comment… some more than others… and some may be fake or just websites… but I don’t care.
Zebras have stripes so that when they all stand in a group, predators can’t tell where one ends and another one begins.
I think I will write candy-striped zebras into one of my sci fi novels…
The Amazon is the largest river system in the world, so the rainfall varies quite a bit.
Not very.
And a follow up – Why does the phone always ring when you’re in the bathtub?
Because the universe has a sense of humor.
I follow like 100 blogs. I knock some off if I add a new one. Various reasons for knocking them off. I think less than 10% of those who follow me ever comment. The rest are bots and scammers or way too good for me.
You were my number one commenter! Surprise! You rock, my man.
I guess we both do!
I like your style, my man. You are my blogging hero. You follow and follow truly, and engage. If there were ever a better blogging community built up around someone, I don’t know where it is. Keep er real.
Thank you… but let us not forget those people who follow from the sidelines… the terminally shy, the bashful the word-challenged, the tongue-tied, those with computer malfunctions, the bots and spam sites, the Russian brides looking for a green card, the tawdry adult webcam links, the people who just came here because they got lost, the people who fell for my trick and were looking for pictures of huge boobs or free porn and just stayed because I am so damn handsome that they are gay now… not that there is anything wrong with that… the people who typed something freaky into a search engine because they are just weird and found me and now worship me, like, I don’t know, people who have enough spare time to search the entire internet looking for pictures of rainbows shooting out of a unicorn’s ass…
You need to make this little bit your anthem, your slogan, and post it on your site… this is a blog for… all of you.
I love all my misfit children equally… I just love the ones who talk to me more…
No I’m down with that. I mean it seriously, that was a good bit of writing, it should be your welcome mat. Lets people know the rules and all.
I change the rules every day…
I just hope the underwear follows suit.
uh………..
Oh boy. I will send you a box. Ours comes with a hose reel for… um, I best not say, there might be people of a delicate persuasion in here… wait, I have a delicate persuasion!
You are just bad at persuasion… that isn’t quite the same thing…
I knew I was doing something wrong.
Don’t sell yourself short… you are doing lots of stuff wrong!
That’s all I ever wanted you to tell me!
I should say it more…
My underwear follows my suit everywhere it goes…
The same underwear? This is what I was afraid of.
Read it again, then think about it…
Oh great, now I have to think about things? Not my strong suit.
But is it your strong underwear? I love tying these things together.
In Canada, in order to keep our various privates fully contained, we subscribe to industrial strength underwear. It’s hell explaining it at the airport.
uh huh
We call that padding…
We call it containment.
We call it false advertising.
I would cut and paste that into a post, but I do not write down to my followers. If they want to know me, they have to read the comments too.